Page 3 of Drowning Erin

* * *

Idon’t seeBrendan’s car out front, but the moment I walk in the house after work, I know he’s here. It’s confirmed when I hear his laugh, a sound I’d know anywhere—deeper than Rob’s, a husky, low chuckle that resides somewhere toward the bottom of his chest. I’m pretty sure he could get laid on the basis of that laugh alone, sightunseen.

My stomach swims, the way it would preceding any unpleasant event, as I step out into the backyard. I realize the two of us should be able to act like adults by now. I also realize neither of us is likelyto.

Our eyes lock, and my heart stutters despite all its good intentions. I don’t know how it’s possible, but he’s actually gotten better looking. His skin is still golden, and his mouth still makes me think bad thoughts, but the boyish side of him is gone. He’s no longer lanky but ripped, and his hair is now shaved close, highlighting the angles of his face. That he somehow managed toimprovesort of pisses meoff.

He sits in a chair across from Rob beside the fireplace, looking more relaxed on my fucking porch than I ever have, but that’s just vintage Brendan. He’s always been too self-assured and attractive for his owngood.

He stands, and we exchange a brief and impersonal hug. Even that feels like too much. Rob is hardly a small guy, but I feel dwarfed by Brendan, as if he could crush me by accident were he not careful enough. Given the look on his face when I walked outside, I would not be at all surprised to learn that he’simaginingcrushing me as we hug. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s tried to convince Rob to dump me, to not move in with me, notpropose.

Yes, I kissed another guy very early in my relationship with Rob. But how big a hypocrite must you be to hold that against someone whenyou’rethe one she did itwith?

“I guess congratulations are in order,” Brendan says, returning to his seat as Rob pulls me into his lap. “When’s the bigday?”

“We haven’t gotten that far,” Rob says, “becauseoneof us won’t set a date.” He tries to sound as if he’s joking, but I hear displeasure theretoo.

Brendan eases back in his chair. There’s something effortlessly masculine about everything he does, including this. He sits back in the chair like a guy who’s about to get his third blow job of the day. Knowing him, it might not be that far from thetruth.

“You know, in Europe it’s pretty common to just get engaged and leave it at that,” hesays.

“Exactly!” I cry, turning to Rob. I should probably be more chagrined than I am to discover Brendan and I are arguing on the same side of anything. “Did you hear that, babe? I’m just being European aboutit.”

“Except I don’t want a European girl. I want my Irish girl from New Jersey,” Rob says, pushing my hair behind my ear with an affectionate smile. “And Idowant awedding.”

Brendan watches us with a look I can’t quite name. It’s disdainful, yet distant, as if we’re animals in a cage he’s forced to observe. I guess it makes sense. He’s only had one relationship that I know of—some girl in Italy—and it didn’tlast.

“So what about you?” Rob asks him. “What brings youhome?”

He shrugs. “Just felt like it was time. I’m planning to open my own tour company here in June, but before I do anything I need to meet my new niece. I’m going up to Seattle thisweekend.”

I light up inside at the very thought of Caroline, Olivia and Will’s newest, who is soon to be my goddaughter—and Brendan’s. She’s the most beautiful baby I’ve ever laid eyes on, with eyes exactly like her uncle’s. He may be a menace to about 50 percent of the population, but no man alive has eyes like Brendan’s—a pale, translucent blue, the color of beachglass.

Iusedto love beach glass. Notanymore.

“Wait,” says Rob. “You’re opening a tour company here, but you’re staying with your mom and Peter out inBoulder?”

Brendan shrugs. “It’s just until I know where the office will be. Then I’ll get a place closerin.”

“You can’t make that drive every day,” Rob says. “Just stay with us. We’ve got the whole pool house sittingempty.”

Somehow I manage not to let my jaw drop entirely, but there’s no doubt I look mutinous. Brendan is the last person I want staying in this state, much less my home, a fact that Rob is well awareof.

Rob doesn’t seem to notice my reaction but Brendan certainly does. He’s smirking as he accepts Rob’s offer. I suspect he’s agreeing solely to piss meoff.

* * *

“Icannot believe you did that,”I hiss at Rob once I hear Brendan’s car pullingaway.

“Come on, hon. We have this huge place, and the pool house is detached. It’s not like he’ll even be living here. It’ll be more like having aneighbor.”

“Which is great if I wanted Brendan as a neighbor,” I reply. “As I’m sure you can imagine, Idon’t.”

“He’s nice enough to you.” Rob sighs. “I just don’t get why you have such a problem withhim.”

“Myproblemis that I’m 26 years old, and I have a full-time job, and I don’t feel like coming home every night to discover he’s turned our house into the Playboy Mansion. You’d better make sure he knows I’m not dealing with him having threesomes in the hot tub—or whatever else it is he’ll inevitablydo.”

“I’ll warn him about the hot tub,” Rob says with a weary smile. “You know, when Harper has a threesome, you can’t wait to tell me about it. You think it’s funny that she sleeps around. But Brendan does it, and you’re ready to perform anexorcism.”

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