Page 98 of Waking Olivia

This was once my sweet spot, climbing alone, and now it’s shifted and expanded to include her. It feelsemptyin her absence. The farm, my job, mylifewere once central but now are merely white noise that surrounds her.

I stall, clinging to a small handhold, only a single foot making contact with rock, realizing that she isn’t just a part of my life now. She isallof it. And even if I made a mistake, even if it means that I will gravely disappoint Peter and mess up things with the farm, she is non-negotiable.

She is the thing I won’t give up.

66

Olivia

ItoldEvan I was sick.

It was easy enough to be convincing. I’ve never felt more ill in my life. I thought when Will came to me that things had changed. Sleeping with him was beyond anything I’d ever imagined and when it ended, I expected to see my own surprise reflected on his face.

Instead, I saw regret.Instead, I heard him telling me to return to my date. Telling me he needed to think. And that was the difference between us.

I did not need to think.

Iknew.

And he should have, too.

I don’t sleep. I sit with my back pressed against the headboard. How can I possibly stay here now? I can’t imagine three more seasons of wanting him, of seeing him daily and remembering that look on his face as I left.

There’s a knock on the door. Despite everything, I open it assuming it’s Will. Hoping that maybe he’s made a different decision than the one he seemed to have made earlier tonight.

But it isn’t him at all.

Jessica walks in uninvited, still wearing her dress from the party.

“I’d invite you in, but it looks like you already took care of that on your own,” I scowl.

She glares at me. “Cut the shit, Olivia. I know about you and Will.”

“There’s nothing to know.”

“I followed you!” she cries, her voice on the brink of tears. “I saw him take off after you at the banquet and I followed him. And believe me,neitherof you was quiet.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lie. “I went to the bathroom. I have no idea where he went.”

“You lying little bitch,” she says, shoving me.

I feel that rage in the pit of my stomach, my father’s legacy, and I refuse to succumb to it. “I don’t know how much you know about me,” I warn, “but I can guarantee that if you lay another finger on me, you’ll regret it.”

She clenches her fists. “I don’t need to hit you because I can do something much worse. Let’s see how much he wants you when you’re the reason he gets fired next week.”

I have a lifetime’s experience with acting calm when I’m scared shitless. Right now, I need it. “You’re insane,” I reply. “He’s my coach and nothing more. Unless you have some proof to the contrary, you should probably get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“I don’t need proof that you slept with him. I have enough to fry you both without it. I have proof of the two of you sleeping under the same roof repeatedly. I have photos of him dropping you off at your apartment at seven in the morning. You were drinking with him when you were under-age. I witnessed that myself.”

“If you cared about him at all, you wouldn’t think of threatening his job. You know they need that money.”

Jessica rolls her eyes. “Maybe love is knowing what’s best for someone. And I think we both know that you are not what’s best. Do you really think you’re going to make him happy? Look at all theproblemsyou have. Can you honestly say you’re the kind of girl he should end up with? Raise kids with? Sinking your claws in him because you want him isn’t love either. It’ll ruin his life. Even the way you’ve risked his career with all this bullshit. Isthatlove, Olivia?”

I want to lash out at her, but I can’t deny the basic truth of what she’s saying. Nothing about my arrival at this school has benefitted him. I can’t possibly make him happy the way someone else can, someone pulled together and from a good family and, well, not crazy.

I feel like I’m standing at the cliff’s edge and jumping is the only option left, so I exhale and prepare to jump.

67

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