Page 49 of Waking Olivia

It’s only then that I realize what I’ve done.

Somehow I’ve lost the moments that occurred between me standing beside the bus and now, but I’ve done something bad. Will’s arms are around me, holding me back as he pulls me off of Betsy. She gets off the ground while all of my teammates, and Peter, look at us in shock.

"What the hell just happened? We took second and you," Will says turning to me in amazement, "youwon. So why the hell are you fighting?"

“She assaulted me!” screams Betsy. “You said she got one chance and she just blew it!”

“It was self-defense,” Brofton interrupts. “I saw the whole thing. Betsy slammed Finn’s head into the side of the bus.”

“Finn was just defending me,” Erin tells Will rapidly, “but she shouldn’t have bothered. Everyone knows you’re just jealous, Betsy.”

I can see the fear in all of their faces. I had my one shot, and now I’ve blown it. Hannah, Nicole, Erin – they look at me with some mixture of desperation and resignation, wanting to fix it and knowing it’s too late.

“You promised she wouldn’t hurt anybody,” Betsy argues, holding her shirt to her nose.

"Everyone on the bus," Will says. "We’ll discuss this when we get back."

It's a silent, painful ride home. Betsy sitting there with a smug smile I plan to beat off her face as soon as there is no staff around, Erin looking wan and worried. I’m going to lose my scholarship. It’s not like I don’t have a backup plan. I do, even if it’s a shitty one. I can sell enough of my stuff to get a bus ticket to Seattle, and I’ll train there. The idea once even appealed to me, but now it seems empty.

By the time we get back to campus, I’m as broken and weary as I've ever felt, while Betsy is jubilant and not even trying to hide it. The two of us follow Will to his office, and he takes Betsy in first. She leaves a minute later looking chastened but then shoots me a nastily triumphant look. No matter what they did to her, she knows I'll get worse.

I go in and Will's got his head in his hands. He looks as beaten as I feel. And for one of the first times in my life, I feel guilty.

“You're a smart girl,” he says. “Don't you see through her?”

“See through what?”

“She'stryingto get you kicked out. She's been pissed off and jealous since you arrived. You took her spot on the team. She was the star, and now it's you by a mile, and she's pissed. You've got to be smarter.”

“Wait. Does that mean you’re not kicking me out?”

“No,” he sighs wearily. “I’m not kicking you out.”

"Why?" I breathe. "What happened to the 'one more violent outburst' thing?"

"Why the hell are you arguing with me about this?" he demands. "Did youwantto be kicked out?"

“No, of course not. I just ... I just don't get it."

“But it can’t happen again. You can't let her bait you."

"She wasn't trying to bait me," I argue. "She was just being a bitch to Erin."

"Yes, because she knew she’d get a response fromyouby going after Erin. I can justify this one as self-defense, but it’s a stretch. Next time something happens, even if she hits you, you’ve got to hold back.”

I exhale. “I don’t think I can promise you that.”

“Why the hell not?” he demands. “How many chances do I have to give you?”

“Because I black out or something,” I tell him reluctantly. “Yes, I’m even weirder than you already thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what I did today. I don't remember anything from the moment she pushed me until the moment you were pulling me off of her. None of it. I don't even know how I got her on the ground. I saw her bleeding and didn’t even realize I was the one who’d done it until you yelled at me."

"Jesus, Liv," he breathes. “So has this happened before?”

I nod. It’s happened plenty. It’s a wonder I haven’t killed anyone.

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