Page 37 of Waking Olivia

“Brendan,” my mother sighs unhappily, “go with your brother.”

I head toward the stables in silence, trying to pull my thoughts together. When he catches up with me, I round on him, any hope of diplomacy abandoned. “She’s off limits, Brendan.”

“Why?” he taunts. “Saving her for yourself?”

“I’m her coach, asshole.”

“Exactly. So if she wants to go out with me, the road is clear, right? And it’s also none of your fucking business.”

“She doesn’t want to go out with you.”

He arches a brow. “So now you’re psychic? Because I never heardhersay she doesn’t want to go out with me.”

“Leave her alone,” I hiss, grabbing his collar and yanking him toward me before I’m even aware I’ve done it. The two of us stare at each other in shock. It’s the first time since we were kids that I’ve even come close to threatening him, and both of us know it. Our entire lives it was me, standing between him and my father, protecting him. I have no idea why I’ve gotten so carried away, why the idea of him with her makes me feel crazy.

I drop my hands and back away from him. “I’m sorry. It’s just … she’s been through a lot, okay? She seems tough but she isn’t, not at all, and you know how you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you tend to tire of people pretty quickly.”

“Trust me,” he says in a way that makes me want to punch him all over again, “it would take a long, long time for me to tire of that girl.”

The desire to hit him overwhelms me. I’ve always had Brendan’s back. I’ve covered for him too many times to count over the years, but it’s about to end here. “Lay a finger on her and I tell Mom you got busted for possession last year.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“Go inside, say goodbye to Mom and Olivia, and get the fuck out of here. And I’d better not see your face again until Olivia is gone.”

“Seriously, bro,” Brendan says, shaking his head. “What’s going on with you and that girl?”

“Nothing, but she’s our first shot at a title in over a decade, and I don’t want anything messing that up.”

He looks like he doesn’t believe me. I’m not sure I believe it myself.

When he leaves, it feels like a burden’s been lifted. I ignore the strange look from my mother and ask Olivia if she wants to go riding. I’m not sure why I do it because I swore to myself that this time I’d be strictly professional, that I’d eat dinner with her but have no other interaction, but the thing with Brendan got me riled up, so fuck it. I want to go riding, and for some bizarre reason, I want her to be there too.

“So that was Brendan, huh?” she asks as we walk to the stables. “You two always get along that well?”

I shrug. “We used to be close. It’s been a little tense since my dad died, I guess.”

“What changed?”

“Not him, that’s for damn sure,” I mutter. My life ended when my dad died, but Brendan is still doing his thing. Hanging with his bros, getting high, sleeping with everything that moves, doing just enough work in college to avoid getting kicked out. I had to become an adult, while it’s looking like he never will.

“My dad left a ton of debt when he died. The farm was failing and none of us knew it, so we had to give up a lot of things. Maybe I just resent the fact that I’m the only one who had to give anything up.” I don’t really know why I’m telling this to Olivia. Jessica has asked about this too, and I’ve always brushed her off.

“Did you guys ever think about selling the farm?”

“We did sell part of it. We had to. But it’s my mother’s only source of revenue, and she’s lived here her entire adult life. I can’t take that away from her. Even if she sold it, I can’t make enough as a guide or as a coach to support myself and her, plus cover Brendan’s tuition. Not to mention that it will take years to pay off the second mortgage my dad took out.”

“And you think Brendan should have dropped out of school to help?”

“No,” I sigh. “I don’t. He deserves to at least get through college. I want him to finish. It’s just that now he’s talking about all this bullshit. Auditioning for some reality TV show when he graduates, maybe going to Europe for a year. He doesn’t have a single actual goal, but he’s still not planning to come back and help.”

“While you had a goal and had to abandon it. It seems like he ought to come back.”

Except my dad never wanted Brendan to take over the farm. He wanted me to. It’s caused this rift between me and Brendan, this bitterness I can’t seem to escape. Even in death, my dad is still causing me trouble.

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