Page 35 of Waking Olivia

I apologize and tell her I had to go to my mom’s, which isn’t technically true, but I can't exactly explain that going to the farm makes me feel peaceful, and coming to her apartment does not.

"It's okay," she says. "I'll just warm it up."

"You didn't have to do all this. I thought we were eating out."

"We can't eat out all the time," she tsks. "You ought to let me take care of you more."

I suppose I should feel grateful, but instead the statement makes me slightly anxious. There's something a little pointed about Jessica's domesticity these days. She even offered to do my laundry a few weeks back, though I refused. I’ve told her so many times that I don’t want to settle down. I’ve even implied that I’m not sure Ieverwant that.

Yet now I find myself worrying that my mom might have been right.

26

Olivia

Ican tellsomething has changed when I get to the track on Monday.

It’s the women’s first win in over five years, and there’s this buzz in all of us, a renewed dedication. Everyone works hard, pulls from a reserve we never guessed was there. It’s not until practice ends, as we go to gather around Will, that all that good feeling dissipates, at least for me.

"Finn, if you take first again next week we will totally place," gushes Nicole.

I wish she hadn’t said it. I guess everyone was thinking it anyway, but now it’s out there and it’s official. They all need me to take first and if I don’t, they’ll be disappointed. It’s entirely on me, and I don’t want it to be.

"There's a 50% chance she'll just pass out in the middle of the course instead," snorts Betsy. She’s right of course, and it’s probablybecauseshe’s right that it makes me so angry.

"If that happens you could pick up the slack, right Bets?” I snap. “Oh … No, wait, you’ve never placed, have you?"

"I'm not willing to become anorexic just to win some dumb race," she replies.

I laugh. "You arefarfrom anorexic."

"That's enough, you two," Will says. "Olivia, I’d like to speak to you for a moment.Now."

If Betsy were a smarter girl, she'd wipe that smug smile off her face because she’s about 30 seconds from getting it punched off.

When everyone walks away, I explode. "Youalwaysblame me. She started it. You heard her."

"Yeah, I heard her."

"So why amIthe one over here?" I demand.

"Because you're the only one who's off the team if there's another incident, remember? If you're going to lead this team, you're going to have to do better. And maybe that starts with realizing that Betsy's jealous and giving her a pass."

"I don't want to lead this team," I reply. "I want them to stop depending on me."

"I know you do," he sighs, “but it’s only because you’re not sure they should. Well,I’msure, Olivia. I’m sure they should. And if I do anything this season, it’s going to be making you believe that yourself.”

The next Fridaywe’re once again heading to his mother's house after he gets off work. "You're sure this is okay?" I ask as he takes my overnight bag from my hand.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because it's a lot ... Your mom can't be fired up about having me there again so soon."

"Get in the car. My mother likes you. She's excited you're coming today."

I glance over at him in surprise. Will doesn't lie, I know he doesn’t, but this seems hard to believe.

He sees the look I've cast his way and shrugs. "It's as much a mystery to me as it is you."

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