Page 13 of Spicy Nick

“I’m just so glad to be home,” Scout sighs and—silver lining here—I’m hit by a flash of inspiration. I’ve been wanting to get her an extra something this Christmas since five years seems somewhat momentous. But I couldn’t think what. Now, I knowjust what to get her…assuming there’s still time to find what I need.

“Well, we’re glad you’re home too,” I say, nodding toward the living room to make it clear that I’m including Cole. “So, unless you’re too tired, or want to take a bath, or something, why don’t you come into the kitchen and talk to me while I cook dinner?”

“Okay. I can do that,” Scout says. And then she smiles at me, and it’s a genuine smile. And I feel myself relax as relief pours through me. Because that’s just the way it is with us. That’s the power of her smile.

And as long as she’s still able to smile at me like that, I can’t help but believe that, whatever secret she’s keeping, whatever’s going on with her, no matter what it is; it doesn’t matter. It’s all going to be okay.

A short while later,it feels like old times in the kitchen. I’m at the stove fixing dinner, Scout’s seated at the table cuddling Cole, who’s almost fully awake. The air is redolent of tomato sauce, fresh basil and grated Parmigiano. Then Kate comes in, and my family is complete.

“You’re back!” she says excitedly when she catches sight of Scout. “It’s about time. These two have beenunbearablewithout you!”

“Well, I missed you all, too,” Scout tells her as they hug. “It’s been unbearable for me, as well.”

“Kate, why don’t you get some plates out,” I suggest. “This is almost ready to go.”

“Okay,” she says—but first she wanders over to see what I’m doing. “Ooh, meatballs; yum! It’s been forever since you made these.”

“No, it hasn’t,” I protest. I can’t quite remember when the last time was, but surely it wasn’t that long ago?

“It has been a while,” Scout agrees, looking amused.

I shake my head. “Wow. I guess I’ve been slacking.” It makes me wonder what else I’ve missed seeing—and whether that has anything to do with why Scout’s keeping secrets from me now. It makes me wonder about my own work/life balance. Perhaps I’ll also need to cut back on the time I spend away from home—especially if we’re “expanding the family” as Kate would have it. But then we’re all sitting down together, eating dinner as a family, and it’s all so perfect that, once again, I find it impossible to be too concerned.

After dinner, Scout takes Cole upstairs to bathe him and—hopefully—put him to bed for the night. I catch Kate before she disappears as well, to ask for her help in purchasing the Christmas gift I’ve thought of for Scout.

“You really left this for the last moment, didn’t you?” she scolds—echoing Scout’s complaint about the tree, which makes me laugh. “Really, Dad; it’s almost Christmas Eve!”

“I know that,” I tell her. “And you’re not wrong. But, I just got the idea for this tonight, so what am I supposed to do? Go back in time and fix it?”

“If only.”

“So, d’you think we can find them, or not?”

“Maybe,” she says. “I mean, probably I can. I’ll do my best. But I make no promises.”

“Understood,” I tell her. “And your best is all we’ve ever asked of you.”

Not unexpectedly, Kate rolls her eyes at that. “Yeah, yeah. So you’ve said. “ Then she, too, heads upstairs.

Once again, I find myself straightening up the kitchen, storing the leftovers in the fridge, filling the dishwasher, wiping down the counters, filling the cats’ food and water bowls, andthinking about how much more work will need to be done if there truly is a baby on the way.

Maybe that’s part of why Scout has been so stressed out? If her work is getting more demanding…maybe my plan to cut back a little on my own work won’t be enough to make a difference. I love my job and I don’t feel like I’m through working or providing, or anything like that. But maybe I should consider taking early retirement. Being here for my family, being a stay-at-home dad—that’s not the worst thing I could think of doing.

Finally, the kitchen is clean and orderly. And Scout has not returned. I make the rounds, locking everything down for the night, then follow my family upstairs.

The light is on in Kate’s room—I can see it peeking out from beneath the door. Hopefully, she’s having some luck with her online shopping. The light is on in Cole’s room, too. I glance inside and sigh at the sight that greets my eye. Mother and son are curled up fast asleep beside the short stack of storybooks that they had obviously been reading.

I tuck Cole under the covers, as per usual. I turn off the bedside lamp, turn on his nightlight, and (when Scout proves too hard to wake) I pick my wife up and carry her down the hall and into our bedroom.

Once there, she does rouse enough to change into a nightgown, but by the time I’m done in the bathroom, she’s fast asleep once more.

So much for adult entertainment, I think as I slide into bed and snuggle her close. I can’t help but remember so many other nights like this—when she was pregnant with Cole, when she couldn’t have stayed awake to save herself, when it was the two of us keeping a secret from the world at large, butnotfrom one another.

There’d been so much going on back then—most of it good, but some of it not—that I’m not sure I aways paid as much attention to these little moments as I should have done.

Maybe this time around—if there is a ‘this time’ I can improve on my performance. If nothing else, that’s a goal to work towards.

Four

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