Page 38 of Spicy Nick

Speaking of the table, remember that vase of half-dead roses that I’d also forgotten to throw out last night? Well, that hasn’t moved. The flowers are still there—right where Scout set them, on a mat in the center—only now they’re somehow…not dying?

“Did we get new flowers from somewhere?” I ask. “Ormoreflowers?” Because the roses are blooming both literally and figuratively; by which I mean they seem to have increased in number as well as in health.

“You would think so,” Scout replies. “Wouldn’t you? And I did ask, but no one seems to know anything about them either.”

“And…what do you think?”

“Well, I think they’re lovely, of course. Did I not already thank you for them?”

“I can’t remember. That’s not why I asked.”

“They’re my favorite flower. They smell nice and they’re not dead—even though it’s December, which I’ve been told is unusual. And that’s all I have to say on the subject.”

“Yeah, but…”

“No, I’m serious. That’s it. Don’t overthink it, Nick. They’re just a plot device. Let it go.”

“They…what?”

Scout shrugs. “That’s what I heard, that’s what I’m sticking to.”

Before I can convince her to expound a little on the subject (because context is good, and heaven knows I could use someright about now) Kate walks in—still scowling. “Hey,” I greet her. “What’s up with you today?” We haven’t had a chance to give Kate her gift yet, so that can’t be what she’s annoyed about—not that she doesn’t have plenty of other presents. And who would be upset about something like that anyway? “Did you not sleep all right? Are you and Mandy fighting again?”

“What’s up withme?” my daughter repeats, looking, if possible, even more pissed. “Really, Dad? I had to hear about this fromMandy? From mycousin? Who, no, by the way; I’m not ‘fighting’ with—what are we twelve?”

“No, but…”

“That’sallyou have to say to me?”

“What am I supposed to say?” I snap in response. “Hear about what? Why is everyone suddenly being so vague?” I’m starting to feel annoyed—which could be due to a lack of caffeine, but which is probably also due to the fact that I’m barely out of bed and already the day is slipping sideways, out of control.

Luckily, Scout’s a little quicker on the uptake. “We’re not pregnant,” she explains to Kate. “Is that what you heard?”

“Yes! And I wish I would’ve known about it sooner because then I—” Kate stops mid-sentence. “Wait. Not pregnant? Not? Are you sure?”

Scout nods. “Absolutely. It’s a completely baseless rumor. But I promise, if that’s ever not the case, you’ll be the first person we tell.”

“Well, good. Thank you. That’s— Oh, shit!” Kate turns suddenly and runs from the room calling over her shoulder, “No, no, no! That’snotgood! Fuck! I gotta catch hold of Seth before he takes her back!”

“Language!” I shout after her. Then I turn to Scout. “What was that about? Do you know?”

“No idea. Deirdre, maybe?”

“I sure as hell hope not, because that didn’t sound too positive.”

“No, it didn’t.

“Shit. This is crazy.”

“I told you it would be,” she replies looking irritatingly smug. “And you know it’s only gonna get worse the longer it goes on. So we need to find a way to shut this down—fast.”

Luckily, at that point, Lucy breezes in from the kitchen. “Oh, good; you’re up. It’s about fucking time. Listen, do you guys need help in the kitchen, or something? Because, as far as I can tell, you haven’t even started cooking yet!”

“Hey, cuz,” I say, giving her a quick side hug. “Merry Christmas to you, too. You’re just the person I was looking for.”

“Oh?” She eyes me warily. “Why’s that?”

“Well, as it turns out, Scout and I have some news that we’d like to share with you.”

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