Page 22 of Desolation

Which is why I should see a therapist. I have one. I was supposed to go this morning but I cancelled yet again using the lame excuse of work. I have no doubt in my mind he knows it’s not true but he doesn’t force me to talk to him. Unlike the therapists on base. He knows I’ll come around when I need to.

Soon. I’ll be ready soon.

I run around the block that leads to the boardwalk and slow down as I hit the rail. It’s early enough that it isn’t crowded yet. Just a handful of people running, skating, and bike riding. I lean my elbows on the rail as I gaze out into the ocean. I breathe deeply, inhaling the salt-filled air that brings tranquility to my brain.

I look down at my G-shock and see I still have plenty of time before I need to head to work. I untie my runners, taking them off and shoving my socks inside before walking across the sand down to the water.

I drop my shoes and pull my shirt over my head. I walk into the endless blue water. The wind is calm so the water isn’t choppy, just small white caps cresting the soft waves. It’s early summer so the water still has a bite to it. I welcome the chill. Hell I’ve been through BUDs, I can handle ice cold water.

The cool water sends a chill through my body as I step in up to mid-calf. With every step I take deeper into the water, the thoughts fogging my brain seem to disappear. By the time the water hits my waist, I take a deep breath and dive under the waves. Shock hits my system as it tries to battle the cold. Pins and needles spark across my skin as I battle with the ocean tide, the limitless power of the ocean begging to take me deeper. I let it pull me in, sucking all the warmth from my body. I hold my breath for as long as I can before I beat the tide. I push my body against the current and come up for air.

I look out toward the shore. I’ve swam at least a hundred feet. It didn’t feel like that. It felt like I was only under for seconds but it must have been minutes. I gasp for air as my lungs try to fill, fighting the need to constrict from the cold. After a few deep breaths, I start my swim back to shore. And with each stroke the thoughts consuming my brain start to filter back to life. If I could stay in the ocean all day I would. Feel the comfort of the waves, the sun, and the salt. But reality is always dragging me back in much like the tide likes to draw me out.

When I get back to shore my body tingles back to life from the warmth of the sun. I let the beads of water drip down my chest and abs until I am dry enough to throw my shirt on. I walk back up the boardwalk and rinse my feet off at the showers before sliding my shoes back on and running the few blocks home.

* * *

Jimmy grabbed everyone burritos for lunch and I sit with him and David in the conference room as we discuss the case Jackson assigned.

It’s not so much a case but data reading, looking for similar names and places so we can piece things together. Jackson is working with Mark in the Virginia office on a case that has had nothing but dead-ends for the last few months. They are hoping that we can get some hits from intel we receive through our sources in the Middle East, along with whatever the Navy has deemed us worthy to have clearance for.

“I don’t get it, man,” Jimmy says as he chews on his steak burrito. “Nothing matches up. Everything is different. I’ve been looking at this shit for weeks and nothing.”

David sets his lunch down and pulls his laptop closer to him. “I hear you. My software hasn’t been able to pull anything either. I am hoping to finish a program in the next couple days that will scramble letters. I see patterns but none of it makes sense.”

“You think it’s there, just in code?” Jimmy asks.

“Has to be. I don’t know how we can miss this shit.”

I listen to the two of them go back and forth. I wish we had a damn name. Then I could go back to the desert and do what I do best, surveillance. Of course that leads to demolition and sharpshooting. All the things that will make me feel normal again.

“What do you think, Landon?” David asks me.

I blink a few times, forgetting I need to contribute to the conversation. “Ugh… I think you’re right, David. There must be intel in all this bullshit. I think it is being scrambled.”

David nods at me as I take a bite of my burrito to keep myself from talking. I listen to David spew on and on about some kind of tech. The man is a genius. I can’t even comprehend how his mind works. It runs fast enough to break the sound barrier and everyone is left in its deafening wake. Jackson was smart to hire him. I don’t think I ever met anyone in the Navy that had his brand of intelligence.

Jackson comes in at one point and pulls David into his office. Jimmy and I spend the rest of the afternoon flipping through intel until my eyes start to blur. I don’t even know how long we have been doing this but I need to get away from it all.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to see my brother calling me. I silence it and make a promise to call him back later.

I stand up and crack my back. Sitting in that chair for four hours is brutal. “I’m calling it a day, man. I can’t look at this shit anymore.”

Jimmy shuffles all the papers together before slamming it shut in the manila folder. “Thank fuck. I was waiting for one of us to cave. If David can get his program to work, I think we will both be better off.”

“No doubt. His eyes are trained to see anomalies.”

“Mine are trained to see titties,” Jimmy jokes.

I laugh at his crude words. “Maybe we should go find some.”

He walks around the table and hugs me hard. “I thought you would never ask.”

* * *

When I said we should find titties, I meant some girls that were into the one-night thing at a local bar. But Jimmy’s idea of titties is the strip club.

Not my first choice. Hell, it rarely makes it on my list at all. I prefer real tits. Not fake ones that barely move as a woman dances. I like when they bounce. When you can squeeze them and push them around. I like how they are more responsive to pleasure than fake tits.

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