Page 117 of Desolation

“I just see it for what it is. I mean how many women has he slept with in just the past year?”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I yell but not too loud to disturb the reading session upstairs.

“That’s your problem, you never want to talk about it. So you just keep living your life. Working at that foundation, volunteering your time wherever you can, trying to find a way to feel something. That man has drained you of all your emotions. Do you know the last time I saw you genuinely smile? Five years ago! Five years, mija. When Olivia took her first steps. And do you know who was there? Not your husband. I was. I saw what he was already doing to you. Yet you kept up with the façade that everything was fine. Well, I am sick of it. I am putting my foot down. You fight for that divorce. Get out of this marriage that is destroying you. You are a strong woman. An independent woman. Hell, you fought tooth and nail to get into Harvard. You graduated top of your class. You aren’t some girl from the block, Mariela. You are a proud woman who needs to use your spirit to fight.

“And I have no doubt in my mind that man upstairs brought that sass back into your life. Brought your fight back. I have not seen you like this in years, mija. Sometimes we have to fight like hell to get what we want. Even if others look down upon you for it. Your happiness is the most important thing.”

I blink back tears as I listen to my mother. I thought I did such a good job at covering up my feelings. At pretending I was living the life I wanted. If she saw right through me, how many others did?

“That man upstairs brought my little girl back. Don’t let him get away.”

My mom wraps me in her arms as I cry. Crying for the years I let myself feel less than I am, the years I stayed in a marriage I wasn’t happy, the years I lost myself.

She pulls away and wipes my eyes. “Mija, I fought like hell for your father. Then realized it wasn’t worth it. Don’t take the same path. Live your own life. Look at me now, I am not the woman I was before and I couldn’t be happier.”

I hug my mom. She’s right. I need to fight for what I want. And the man upstairs is what I want more than anything.

* * *

I watch Landon through the crack in the door as he reads to the girls. He’s been up here over an hour and I can’t imagine how many books he’s read.

He also looks adorable. He is squished on the twin bed of the bunk, his thick figure not quite conducive to the bed size. And on each side of him is one of my girls. Makayla is snoring against his stomach. Olivia is looking up at him as he reads, her eyes battling to stay open.

Did I mention how sexy he looks right now? He has on reading glasses which I didn’t know he needed. His bulky arms straining against his shirt. This man makes my heart sizzle.

He looks up at me and smiles before going back to the book. A few minutes pass and he shuts it.

“The end.” He looks down at Olivia. “I think it’s bedtime.”

“One more story,” she begs.

“You didn’t even make it through the last one. I heard you snoring.”

Her eyes bug out at him. “I don’t snore.”

“Well, I guess you’ll have to prove it by going to sleep.”

She harrumphs but crawls out of the bed so he can get up. He picks up Makayla and lifts her into the top bunk. The girl sleeps like a rock and doesn’t even wake up. He pulls the blankets over her then squats down next to Olivia. He pulls up her blankets and hands her the stuffed pink elephant that was sitting behind her.

“Goodnight, little bear.”

“Goodnight, teddy bear.”

He presses his lips to the top of her head then turns the reading light off above her. He walks toward me and my heart is beating so hard I am sure he can hear it.

He shuts the light off and closes the door behind him as I take a step back. “What?” he asks.

I don’t even have words. My lips are on his as I walk across the hall to my bedroom, dragging him inside. I pull him to the bathroom as his hands land on my hips, hoisting me up around his waist.

“Your mom could have seen that?”

“She already figured it out.”

“Did she?” he asks, pulling away from me.

I press my lips back into his. “It doesn’t matter,” I mutter against his lips.

I grind into him and he groans. “Shh, she is still awake.”

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