Page 66 of Desolation

He opens the door and I think he is going to walk away without a word. But he turns and gives me one last solemn look. “I can’t do real.”

“What can you do?”

“I don’t know.”

I jump as the door slams behind him leaving me alone with my thoughts. My mind a tilt-a-whirl as I think about what I just did.

Chapter Nineteen

Landon

I punch the bag over and over, my knuckles bleeding under the gloves from the intense aggression of my workout.

I am pissed at myself.

Pissed at Mari.

Fuck. Mariela.

She finally gave me her truth. Filled me in on the lies that kept her holding back from me. She let me in. And I ran.

Part of it was guilt. I don’t want her to feel guilty for being with me. And I know she does. It’s written all over her face. I don’t know if it’s because she technically isn’t divorced yet or if it has to do with her kids. But I know that she isn’t ready for this even if she says she is.

Part of me is pissed at myself for almost letting her in. Almost telling her about the demons chaining me to the bottom of the ocean, festering on my pain but not letting me drown. I can’t let her in because the second I let someone in, I will lose them.

I’m angry with the whole situation. Her lies. Her truth. My past. It’s all a mess. And if we let something happen between us there is no doubt in my mind it will only get messier.

I shouldn’t have fucked her. We both knew it was a mistake.

But when she told me her real name, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her.

I knew how those lips felt. How they tasted.

And she was standing there in a skimpy bikini.

Her nipples hard.

I had no restraint.

Shit. I have absolutely no restraint when it comes to Mariela Gutierrez.

Images flip through my mind of how I owned her body last night. How she let me own it. The way she responded to every little thing. The way her pussy tasted. I can almost still taste her on my tongue. The way her tight heat sucked me in, enveloped me.

Fuck.

My dick starts to strain in my basketball shorts. I need to get her out of my mind.

I pull my gloves off and untape my hands. The tape ripping at the dried blood underneath. I shove the gloves into my gym bag and head into the locker room for a cold shower.

It does nothing for me. Thoughts of Mariela still filter through my brain. I need something to stop thinking about her besides a lobotomy.

I check my watch and see I still have a bit of time before visitor hours are up at the VA. I throw on clean clothes and head over there knowing a game of chess will clear my head.

* * *

“Checkmate.” I grin at Mr. Cartwell. It’s the first time I have beat him in weeks.

“I let you win,” he growls at me.

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