Page 46 of Desolation

“He serve?”

“Yeah. He was a Marine. I mean, he still is, just as a consultant. He lost his entire team a few years back. Fucked him up.”

Mark sips on his beer. “But I am guessing he is okay now?”

“Yeah. He is happily married to the one that got away.”

“Have you ever talked to him about what’s going on in your head?”

I stare off into the backyard. “Sometimes. But it’s not easy.”

“Never said it was.” He leans against the railing of the balcony. “You know it doesn’t have to be a real therapist. You could talk to a friend, girlfriend.”

“I talk to a friend sometimes.”

“That’s good. You got a girlfriend?”

I stare at him. “Why does it feel like you are prying into my personal life?”

“Curiosity.”

I grunt. “No girlfriend.”

“But there is a girl.”

I shrug. “I don’t do girlfriends. And I don’t think this woman would be interested in just sex.”

“Why not?”

“She ran off when I kissed her.”

Mark grins then sniffs the air. “Do you have bad breath? Are you a bad kisser?”

“Fuck off,” I joke.

“Some girls just take time to open up. Hell, I had to convince my wife to spend time with me before she finally caved. Jackson and Catherine are a whole other story.”

“Well according to my sources, she left town. She was only passing through to begin with.”

“Damn. Well, maybe fate will bring her back to you.”

I look Mark dead in the eyes. “I don’t believe in fate.”

Chapter Fifteen

Mari

The sun sizzles against my olive skin causing it to turn a darker bronze as I sit in a lounger at Dax’s pool. I’ve been cooped up in his house for the past two days. After that kiss with Landon, I thought it was best I never leave Dax’s house.

I went to the VA hospital on Sunday afternoon one last time. I was glad I didn’t run into Landon. Not after I ran. Not after the words I told him. The mix of half truths and lies that spewed from my mouth.

I felt disgusted with myself. That I could do that to someone. Feed them lies and falsities yet have them want me. I wish I could be honest with Landon. Tell him my truth. But I can’t. Besides what would he say when he found out I was a married woman with two kids, a cheating husband, and a problem that could put me in jail for a good twenty years.

But that kiss with Landon did something to me. It awakened the woman in me I haven’t felt like in years. Someone who wants to take risks and act carefree and run wild. A woman I haven’t been in ages. The chains of marriage to a senator have locked me down, forcing me to fill a role. A role I promised myself I would never be in. I never wanted to be in the background. Never wanted to be shadowed by a man. But here I am, living the life I never wanted.

My fingers go to my lips as I think about that kiss. The way he gripped my hips, the way his hand delved into my hair, the taste of his mouth on mine. I remember the way I kissed him back, with a fervor I didn’t know I had. The way I gripped his shirt and pulled him closer to me. The way my fingers felt in his short dark brown locks.

But when I pulled away I saw all the mistakes I was making. I can’t give him anything. And I didn’t want to give him more lies.

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