Page 41 of Desolation

“Thirty-five.”

“You don’t look a day past twenty-five,” I tease.

She rolls her eyes at me and goes to step back but I snake an arm around her waist. “You are smart and fascinating and beautiful, Mar. You aren’t too old to do anything.”

“I—well...” she stutters as her eyes jump back and forth between mine and my lips.

I pull her closer to me as I push the errant strand of hair behind her ear. “You aren’t too old for this either,” I whisper as my lips brush against hers.

She tastes like the spiciness of the tacos mixed with the tart of her margarita with the slightest taste of sweetness I know is all her. I think she is about to pull away but she surprises me by kissing me back, the distinct sound of her shoes hitting the sand. Her mouth is tender yet firm as she pulls on my shirt dragging me closer to her. Her fingers make their way to the back of my neck as I bury my hand in her hair. But before I can take the kiss any deeper she pulls away from me, stumbling back a few steps in the damp sand.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she says, her fingers covering her lips.

I step toward her but she takes a step backward. “Mari, I kissed you first.”

She shakes her head, her eyes wide, like she realized she just made a mistake. She leans over and grabs her shoes. I grab her wrist before she can pull away. “Hey, I’m sorry. Honestly. I just got lost in the moment.”

She looks down at her feet, timidly, the first time I have ever seen her act this way. “Me too.”

“I promise I won’t do it again.” I say as I let go of her hand. “Let’s just keep walking.”

She nods and straightens her shoulders then looks up to the boardwalk. “I have to pee. I’m going to use the restroom quick.”

I see sincerity in her eyes so I nod and point in the direction of the bathrooms.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispers before turning away.

I watch her walk away until I lose her in the crowd.

And I wait.

I wait ten minutes and assume there is a line.

Twenty minutes and I wonder if she got lost.

At thirty I know she ghosted, leaving me alone on a beach I wish was empty.

Chapter Fourteen

Landon

I punch the bag over and over again, sweat dripping into my eyes, but I ignore the sting. I need something to get out my aggression. The aggression that takes over when I feel guilty, when I feel lonely, when I let my own desolation take over me in a way that eats at every fiber of my being.

I shouldn’t have kissed Mari last night. I knew before my lips grazed hers that it was a mistake. But I couldn’t hold myself back. She was different last night. Her guard started to come down. Her feistiness subsided as the real her started to show.

Although I couldn’t help but feel that she was hiding something. She didn’t give me all of her. Not that I should have expected her to. It was dinner. Nothing more. And it’s not like I let her in either.

But I can still taste her on my lips. Even if it was a short-lived kiss, I can remember every second of it. The moment she relaxed and let me in. The moment she gripped my shirt and held me like she needed the taste of me to feel again. The way her hips felt in my hands, her soft skin warm as my fingers played at the hem of her shirt on her lower back.

It’s a kiss I won’t forget for a long time. And I am hoping she will let me do it again. Even though I shouldn’t.

Of course it all comes down to seeing her again. She ran away so quickly last night, the look of guilt crested her face and I should have known she wasn’t coming back. But I held onto hope that she would.

Foolish.

But that foolery is keeping the hope inside of me.

Hope that she will be at the VA hospital today.

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