Page 129 of Desolation

“You told me you would fight for me,” I cry.

“And I know this is a fight I can’t win.”

“You’re losing me now by doing this.”

“No, I’m not. I’m giving you up. There’s a difference.”

The tears roll down my face as I try to comprehend what he is saying. “So you aren’t going to work at this. You aren’t going to try. You are just giving up like you do with everything else.”

His brow furrows and I know that was a low blow. “We both know this won’t work in the long run.”

I shake my head and grip his shirt. “That’s a lie.”

He pushes me off him. “No Mari. The lie was thinking I ever had you. I knew from the beginning you weren’t mine to have and I’m a fool for not letting you go before.”

“Before what?”

He throws his head back and grips his neck. “Before I let myself try to love you.”

“Landon,” I whisper, my heart breaking at his lies. “I still love you.”

“No, Mariela.”

He steps back, putting his hands up to separate the distance. “I came here to tell you it’s over.”

I step toward him. “I’m telling you it’s not.”

His gaze turns to longing like he is battling the pull between us. I always felt like we were magnets drawn to each other. Even now when he is trying to break my heart it’s no different. “Fuck,” he mutters and lunges for me.

His lips are hot as they kiss mine. My tears mixing with the love pouring between us. I want this kiss to mean something it doesn’t. Because I can tell by the taste of his lips, this kiss is a goodbye.

He pulls away too soon. The kiss ending too quick to even leave a memory.

“I need to go. I have a flight.”

“Landon,” I cry.

He starts to walk away and I call out to him. “One truth?”

He pauses and turns slowly, his face void of emotion.

“Did you ever really love me?”

He stares at me and I try to read into his thoughts but there is nothing but dead eyes. “No.”

I watch him walk away until I can’t see him anymore. Even then I stand there watching the place where he once stood.

I don’t even know if my heart is beating anymore.

I don’t even feel the rain start.

It isn’t until my mother comes running down the porch and wraps her arms around me that I remember I’m even here.

Still breathing.

At least, I am still breathing.

She walks me inside, taking my soaked wrap, and throwing a warm blanket around my shoulders. She pulls me onto the couch and into her arms. I cry until I run out of tears. Maybe my love for him wasn’t real. Maybe it was lust. And that’s all he ever felt too.

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