Page 62 of The Fate of Us

I have a gaping hole in my chest. Anna took my heart when she left. And right now, I am just battling to stay above water. It feels like I’m drowning every second of every day. I’m gasping for breath, trying to stay afloat but her loss is too much to bear.

She’s only been gone five days but it feels like years. I’ve texted and called her numerous times despite Seraphina’s advice and she won’t respond. She only texted me to let me know she got to Nashville safely.

Seraphina was the first person I went to when Anna left for Nashville. I needed advice. I needed to know how to fix what I broke with her. How to make her come back home to me after her workshop.

Seraphina only told me to give her space and time. Not to text her constantly or leave her a million voicemails. She was in Nashville to further her career and she didn’t need distractions.

I tried to hold back but it’s been hard. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I never understood what it was like to have your heart broken until Anna left.

The past few nights I’ve sat in her music room trying to feel her presence. I can still smell her patchouli and lemon scent and it brings me a sense of calm. I just hope it doesn’t fade before she returns.

Brutus jumps on the bed and licks my face before curling up into my side. He has been just as sad as I’ve been. He loved Anna just as much as I do. And he has been moping around ever since she left.

I finally make my way out of bed and go through my morning routine. I let Brutus out, eat some breakfast and head upstairs to take a shower. After my shower, I brush my teeth and try not to stare at the dead eyes reflected back in the mirror. I put on my suit and grab my badge and gun out of the safe and head into work.

I’m glad it’s Friday. Only one more day of faking my smile and attitude in front of my partner. I look in my rearview mirror, my reflection looks like it’s aged years this week. The bags under my eyes prominent, the wrinkles more defined. Luckily I have been able to play it off from working on the case we’ve been on for the last few weeks. I’ve made some progress on it, narrowed down a list of suspects only because of my lack of sleep. It’s the only thing that distracts me from thoughts of Anna.

The day goes by at a grueling pace. It’s like time has slowed. By the time six o’clock finally hits, I am ready for a drink. A lot of drinks.

I forego going to Jimmy’s with the rest of the guys. I don’t want to have to answer questions. Even though my partner and I have only spent a few weeks together, he knows something is up.

My plan is to head home and change and then head to Mason’s studio to get shitfaced with him. Mason has been worried about me ever since Carson told him what happened. Carson wanted him to look out for me while Carson dug into Claire’s past. So far he has come up empty-handed.

I pull in my driveway and groan when I see the Range Rover Claire was driving sitting in the street. I should have kept driving. Just gone straight to Mason’s studio but I couldn’t leave Brutus alone for so long.

I slam the door as I get out of my SUV and hustle to the front door. I hear Claire on my heels but she is the last person I want to deal with.

I make it inside and slam the door before she can sneak in behind me. I hear her yelling at me through the door but I just lean against it and slide to the ground. What has my life become?

I shoot a text off to Carson hoping he can give me legal advice.

Me: Any news yet? Claire is banging on my door and I wish I could tell her to fuck off.

Brutus licks my face and sits in my lap, half growling half whining at Claire’s yelling on the other side of the door.

Carson: Nothing yet. Don’t talk to her. I don’t want her to use anything against you.

Me: No shit, man. I practically had to run into my house. She was waiting in her car outside when I pulled in.

Carson: You could call the police.

Me: I’m not bringing that attention to me. Besides, it’s not like I can file a restraining order.

Carson: If only.

Me: I just need to find a way out of this house.

Carson: I’ll get Mason on it.

I sigh as I throw my head against the door. My eyes starting to close even though Claire is causing a scene outside. Maybe if I just let her continue, the neighbors will call the cops.

I must doze off because I am startled by my phone ringing. I can still hear Claire outside, she isn’t yelling anymore but it sounds like she is pacing, the click of her heels back and forth on the hardwood.

I look at my phone half expecting it to be Claire but it’s Mason.

“Hello?”

“You ready for a jailbreak?”

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