And stab me now. Don’t get me wrong I am happy for him but I don’t want to hear for the millionth time how Harper has made his life better. I get it, I see it. But it just causes a yearning in my gut. I want what he has. The new dream I left my old dream for years ago still churns in me no matter how much I try to push it away. “Aww, look how in love you are. It makes me sick,” I joke.
“You’ll find it one day, T.”
I laugh at that. “Okay, sure, East. Right. Because my record is so great.”
“Hey, I didn’t think I would find it either. And it took me a long time. But I did. You will too.”
I roll my eyes but I keep my head turned toward the sunset so he won’t notice. I don’t want to start a fight so I just silently agree with him by nodding my head.
Harper walks out with Theo in tow. “Hey Tacoma.”
“Hi Harp.”
“Someone missed their auntie!” she exclaims.
I reach out for Theo and nuzzle him on my chest. “Nah, this big boy got pampered by me often the last two weeks.” Ivy and Trace kindly offered to watch Theo while Easton and Harper were on their honeymoon. Which I had no problem with. I did not want to be put on babysitting duty for two weeks. But I did swing by Ivy and Trace’s house every other day to see my nephew.
We talk for the next hour. They go on and on about their trip and I’m happy to not have to talk about me. I excuse myself and head to bed, my thoughts heavy on my life here and all the mistakes I’ve made.
* * *
I wipe down the top of the bar to keep myself busy. It’s been raining on and off all day, torrential downpours then blue sky. It’s kept business away. It seems since no one wants to get caught leaving the bar in the rain. Or it could be the fact it’s a Tuesday and no one wants to drink today.
The quiet lulls me for once. Rather than flooding my brain with memories I don’t want to face. The only thing I can think about is how I hate being home with Easton and Harper. I tried to bring a guy home on Saturday, some local a few years older than me, I kind of knew him back in high school. But Theo was up and crying when we stumbled in. And after a glass of wine, which should have been my first indication things weren’t going to work out with this guy, he got put off by the crying baby and left. Easton gave me a hard time for bringing someone back to his house. I was just trying to blow off steam.
I thought I would be able to live here longer but I don't know if I can. I need my own space. My own sanctuary to quiet the storm in my head. I need the wildness of a city. The unpredictability of where each day may take you. Out here it’s the same thing every day. And I just don’t see it in my life but the life of everyone who walks through the doors of this bar. It’s a harsh realization to the fact this was the reason I left.
And now I am stuck with the monotony of a small-town bar with only three people sitting at it. Two who are friends and conversing with each other and the third an older man who comes in here multiple times a week to flirt with me. I look at the clock to see it’s only seven. I pray for it to pick up. Five more hours seems unbearable.
I wash the few glasses I let pile up when I hear the door shut. I look up and see Ryder stroll into the bar alone. I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks, but his presence now puts a damper on my mood. I wish I wasn’t working alone so someone else could help him, but I have no other choice but to approach him.
“What can I get you?”
“Do you have to ask?”
Well okay then, I guess we are both in a mood. I turn away from him and grab a rocks glass and pour a top shelf whiskey, neat, into it. I walk it over to him and set it down on a coaster. “Eight dollars,” I say.
“Can I start a tab?”
Great, he plans on staying.“Sure.”
I walk back to the other end of the bar hoping the two friends need refills but they wave me off. Now I am stuck with Gary, the creep, in the middle of the bar and Ryder on the opposite end. I grab a towel and decide to head to the tables and wipe them down even though I did it an hour ago and no one has used them.
Fifteen minutes go by and I think I have scrubbed the finish off the tables. I head back toward the bar as Gary gets up to walk toward the bathroom. He mindlessly runs into me, his hands going up in defense and land directly on my breasts. I give him the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident but then he squeezes and I know it was on purpose. “Hands to yourself, Gary.”
“I’m sorry Miss Tacoma, I seem to have needed a speed bump to slow down.”
I roll my eyes at him. I can tell he’s drunk and I need to cut him off. I grip his wrists and remove them from my chest. Except he doesn’t take the hint and wraps an arm around my body grabbing my ass.
“I like what I see and feel Miss Tacoma, how about you come over after work?” he slurs.
I hear the scratch of a chair against the floor and look up to see Ryder getting out of his seat. “How about you remove your hands from me before I kick you out of this bar and tell Sawyer so he will ban you? I know you are already banned from the restaurant down the street so you won’t have anywhere else to go.”
Surprisingly, he removes his hands. And backs off.
“Pay your tab and go home, Gary.”
He hands me a few twenties and saunters out the door. I notice the two people at one end of the bar look my way but go back into conversation. Ryder is standing next to his chair, watching me intently. I put the money from Gary in the register and turn around to meet the death stare of Ryder.