Page 105 of Forgotten Pieces

I unlock my front door and all the lights are out. There is no smell of food in the air. I turn on the lights and check the rooms just to make sure he didn’t fall asleep. But he isn’t here.

I check my phone and there are no texts from him either.

I send him a text letting him know I miss him.

I make a bag of popcorn and settle into bed. I turn a movie on and let the noise fill the silence of my apartment.

I have a feeling something bad has happened. After everything Ryder and I have been through, he would never just shut me out like this. I contemplate going to his house but I’m already tired, my lids heavy as I try to watch the television.

Eventually I fall into a restless sleep, tossing and turning all night.

By the time morning comes, I curse the sun. I was finally feeling like I could sleep. I roll over and throw a pillow over my head when I hear a knock on my door.

I groan as I roll out of bed. I don’t bother to throw any pants on as I walk to the door in an oversized t-shirt.

I open the door to a very tired looking Ryder. Dark bags circle his eyes. The crow’s feet around them more prominent than usual. His shoulders are slumped and he looks like he slept about as much as I did.

“What’s wrong?” I ask as he stares me down with no fire in his eyes. The blackness of them enveloped in darkness.

“Can I come in?” Even his voice sounds depleted.

I grab his hand and lead him over to the couch. He sits next to me, elbows on his knees as he leans over and grabs the back of his neck.

“Talk to me, Ry.” I put my hands on his shoulders and feel the tension in them. I massage it out as best I can. But he remains silent.

His silence is deafening. Because I know something happened that means the end for us. I stop touching him and pull my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel the dampness on my legs.

“Don’t cry, birdie. This is so much harder when you cry,” he finally speaks.

Those words are enough for me to not need an explanation. Shelley found a way to keep them together. “Why?” is all I can manage to get out.

He tries to wrap his arms around me but I push him away. I get off the couch and start pacing, trying to figure out if I should go off on him or just wait for him to give me whatever stupid reason he has.

“Shelley came home last night. She’s pregnant, T.”

I stop in my tracks. I cannot be hearing him correctly. “Excuse me?”

He sighs as he runs his hands through his hair and grabs the back of his neck. “She’s pregnant. We slept together once a few months ago. I don’t know how she got pregnant; she was on the pill.”

I stare at him in shock. This cannot be happening to me again. After I poured my heart out to him a few days ago on the real reason I was so broken over Cole and the reason I slipped into a depression.

“I can’t leave her, Tacoma. Not when she’s pregnant.”

The sad part is I know he would never do that. He would never abandon a child the way his father abandoned him.

He walks over to me and I am too frozen to move. Too heartbroken to push him away. I am losing Ryder once again. And I know there won’t be any coming back from this one.

He wraps his arms around me and rests his cheek on my head. “I need to be there for her when she is pregnant. But I told her once she has the baby and I know he or she is healthy, I’m done. I will be there for support and whatever custody deal we can work out, but I won’t be in a loveless marriage.”

My heart rate picks up as he talks, anxiety kicking in full force. I close my eyes because I start to lose my vision. I would be swaying on my feet if it wasn’t for his arms wrapped around me. I try to breathe but it feels like my lungs are closing in.

Ryder notices. “Breathe. You’re going to pass out. I need you to breathe, birdie.”

I break away when he calls me birdie. “Don’t call me that,” I wheeze. I try to put all the thoughts in my head together but I can’t. Everything is falling apart. “Get out.”

“Tacoma, don’t do this.”

“I said get out!” I manage to scream.

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