Page 56 of Forgotten Pieces

“Ryder Thompson.” I figure now is as good a time as any to tell her he is here since I was drooling over him.

“What about him? You haven’t thought about him in years.”

“Ugh… yeah, well he’s here.”

“Like living in White Creek?”

“Unfortunately.”

She starts laughing into the phone.

“This isn’t funny Cam.”

“Oh I know it isn’t supposed to be, but it definitely is. You left your fantastic life here in New York City to move home to get some fresh air and start over. Then your high school crush is there and he has your life turned upside down. I just can’t…”

I grip my face and shake my head. “What am I supposed to do?”

She finally stops laughing. “Well, I can’t give you advice until you tell me what the hell is going on.”

I don’t even know where to start but before I can get a word in Cam interrupts. “Wait actually before you even tell me anything you know the answer is no. It has to be, T. That guy broke your heart. He left you in pieces. You were half a person when we met at NYU. You worked so hard to get over him.”

“I know.”

“So you know that you need to ignore him. Leave him alone. Don’t engage.”

I groan. “It’s too late.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve been meeting him by the lake again.” My silence must be a good enough answer for her. “Shit, Tacoma. You better spill.”

So I do. I tell her about how I saw him at Easton’s wedding, the weird connection we both felt. I tell her about the first time he broke down to me in the bar. I tell her how we have met a few times at the lake and it seems normal. How we feel like an us again. How comforting his arms felt around me when I cried. Almost like I have my best friend back, a forgotten piece of my past that is better now that it’s back.

“So are you guys going to date or anything like before?”

I don’t want to tell her, but I have to. Both parts of my past are colliding and I don’t know how to stop it. “He’s engaged.”

“Shut the front door. Does she know you two talk at least?”

I shake my head and answer. “We’ve been hiding our friendship just like we did in the past. Laney knows and I am pretty sure his cousin, my friend, Mac knows too.”

“Girl, abort, abort. You can’t do this to yourself again.”

I slouch against the window. “I know, Cam. But I can’t help it. That chemistry we always had is still there.”

“You need to fight it. This isn’t going to work out the way you want.”

“I don’t even know what I want,” I scream. “I am so lost, Cam. But he is here. My rock. The one that used to always be there for me. I know it’s wrong. But I can’t help these feelings I’m having.”

“And what about him? Does he feel the same way? Is he going to leave his fiancée for you?” she chastises.

“I know he feels something. We connect so deeply. I hate the idea of soulmates but with him…” I pause as I picture his face when he listens to me. “He feels it too. I know he does.”

“T, I am all for a lot of fucked up things but not this. This is exactly what happened to you before. You can’t do this to yourself again. I don’t mean to be a bitch, but he won’t choose you.”

I know she’s right. I try hard to fight the tears threatening to spill over my eyes. “I want to believe that. I really do. But there is something not right with their relationship. She wasn’t there for him on the anniversary of the day he lost his entire squadron. She leaves him alone here all the time when they were supposed to start a family here. He is just as lost and lonely as I am.”

I hear the sympathy in her voice as she speaks. “Oh, T. I know this is hard and he might very well leave her but that doesn’t mean he will come running to you. He needs to find out who he is just like you need to find out who you are.”

I hate that she’s right. I know that whatever I am feeling between myself and Ryder can’t be anything. Our timing is off again. Another miss in our hit or miss relationship.

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