Page 118 of Forgotten Pieces

“No?”

“No!” I shout. I climb the steps and push past him, avoiding all eye contact. I jam my key in the door and slam it behind me. I pace my living room and my kitchen.

I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what to do.

Everything I worked so hard on is falling to pieces in front of me.

For the first time in months I can feel the beating of my heart in my chest.

And I don’t like it at all. I preferred the numbness. I was living with it. I could act like a normal human when I didn’t have to get my heart involved. And just seeing Ryder has all those seams ripping apart just like when I got that call from him six months ago.

I open the liquor cabinet in my kitchen and grab the tequila. I drink straight from the bottle not giving a shit how much I drink. I’ll hate myself in the morning, but at least it will erase the pain of tonight.

I set the bottle down and lean over my counter, my head resting in my arms crossed on top of it.What am I going to do?

I jump when I hear the click of my front door. I’m an idiot and forgot to lock him out.

I look up and see him standing just inside the door, my forgotten bag of tacos in his hand. “I thought you might want your dinner.”

Those words release a rage in me I didn’t see coming. I storm over to him and rip the bag from his hand throwing it on my coffee table. “You can’t do this, Ryder. You can’t come back into my life and pretend we can just go back to how things were.” I stand tall so I am in his face, spitting the words out. “I’ve spent a year getting over you. A year trying to find a normal again. And I found it, finally found it. And then you just waltz back in here like you can just claim me when it’s convenient. You can’t. You can’t!” I yell as I jab him in the chest with my fingers. “You have a baby at home. A fiancée to get back to. I don’t care about your professions of love. You can’t have us both!”

I go to turn away from him but he grabs my arms, his cane falling to the ground. “You never answered my calls, my texts. I struggled to get through to you and when I finally did you broke my heart, T. You didn’t want to talk to me, you didn’t let me explain. You didn’t let anyone else tell you anything either. Laney, Rae, East, they all tried to tell you and you shut them down.”

I struggle in his arms but he’s too strong and I am too weak in this moment to break free from his grip, especially when one touch from his is sending my entire body into a mess of need. “I don’t have a baby. Shelley lied. It wasn’t mine. And we aren’t together. She moved to California to run the office out there. I told her I wouldn’t go with her. She moved right before I deployed. And I haven’t spoken to her since. The only person I’ve wanted to talk to the entire time has been you, Tacoma. You are all I want in this life.”

I force myself to meet his gaze because I know what those dark eyes will show. And I don’t know if I can control myself looking into those eyes when we are this close.

But I do it anyway. And I nearly collapse at what I see.

Hope.

Need.

Love.

“I still love you, Tacoma. My love has only grown with each passing day. And I can’t live without you anymore. You are the one I would go to the ends of the Earth for.”

“I—I don’t…I can’t—” I struggle to get words out because I don’t know what to say. I search his eyes trying to find any word that comes to mind but I can’t. So I do the stupidest thing I can think of.

I smash my lips to his.

I pour my anger, my heartache, my fears into that kiss. Anything to keep me from speaking words I don’t know how to say. Because I can’t do this with him. I can’t be with him. Because it always ends in heartache.

He kisses me back with the same ferocity I put into my lips. Except his kiss is filled with love, pain, and regret.

He is kissing me with love and I am kissing him with pain.

His hands release my arms and wrap around my lower back, slowly moving down to my ass. I move my hands to his nape and head. I groan as his lips move down my neck and up behind the delicate spot behind my ear.

He turns us around and pushes me against the door, grabbing my wrists with one hand and holding them above my head. His other hand makes quick work of unzipping my strapless dress. It slides down my body leaving me in only my heels.

Ryder growls when he sees I have nothing on under the dress. His hand glides down my body, squeezing my breast, before circling the tops of my inner thighs. He releases my hands as his mouth makes its way down my body. His tongue lavishing my nipples before circling around my belly button until he licks the insides of my thighs.

He inhales and I know he can smell the need radiating from my body. I look down as he kneels before me, I don’t miss the wince in his face as he does it.

“I’ve missed this, birdie,” he moans right before he throws one of my legs on his shoulder and delves his tongue between my thighs.

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