Page 84 of Playful Kris

A five minute conversation during a wedding isn’t going to resolve everything right away.

And I’m not even sure that’s what I want. I don’t know how to not be angry with her.

“Talk to me, Kris. Please,” she begs.

I’m not sure what about it makes me start talking. Maybe it’s the look in her eyes, or the urgency in her body language.

“You fucked me up, Mom. I’ve spent what feels like my entire life, doing the job that was meant to be yours. I’ve missed out on so much in my life because I had to make sure Kaleb was taken care of. I have sat back and watched you and Dad go for each other’s throats multiple times, I watched you turn into a shell of the person, of the mother, that you used to be. I’ve watched Dad prance around different women, stand us up, and practically drop off the Earth at times. And I don’t want any part of that life anymore.” It’s like the word vomit won’t stop, it just keeps coming up, and with it comes all the emotions I buried deep inside me years ago.

Her eyes begin to water, and I look away, my eyes connecting with Titan at the back door so I stand. The nervousness radiating off of my mother as she thinks I’m about to leave the room, end this conversation, and get nowhere in our relationship… but I’m just letting Titan in.

Her shoulders relax when she realizes what I’m doing.

I slide the door open, letting Titan in before I slide it back shut and flick the lock back into place. If I don’t stay in the habit of doing that, every door in this house will be unlocked at all hours of the day and night.

Titan trots across the room, jumps on the couch next to my mom, and collapses beside her. I’m sure her hip is hurting by the brute force of having him fall against her, but she doesn’t seem to care. She smiles down at my dog, running her hand along his side.

“He’s sweet.” She smiles over at me before she turns serious. “I know I’ve screwed up, I told you that much last night, but son, I’m tired of it. I really do want to fix that. I’d be naive to think that we could have a conversation and things become magically perfect overnight. I know I have things to prove, and I know I have a lot of apologies to say to you. And I will. Because I love you so much. You and Kaleb were my only reasons for living when your father walked out on us.The only reasons I’m still on this Earth.”She sucks in a breath and wipes the tear that breaks free, rolling down her cheek. “But son, the only thing I’m focused on right now is making sure that you don’t make the mistake I know you’re about to make.”

I frown at her, what the hell is she talking about?

Is she drunk?

“Are you drunk?” I ask, blinking at her.

“Boy,” she rolls her eyes, “I’m talking about Kameron.”

I start to speak but she holds her hand up silencing me.

“Stop. I can see it all over your face, Kris. You love her. She is the one for you, and you’re using what happened with me and your father because you’re too scared of love to make that commitment. And it’s hurting her, I know it is. And it’s killing you.”

Well, fuck.

“I can tell by the look on your face, that you have already walked away.”

I stare at her.

“And you know who else always walked away instead of handling the things that scared him?”

My stomach bottoms out at the realization. Anger spreads throughout my body before she even says the name.

“Your father.”

“That’s not fucking fair.”

She doesn’t even wince at my outburst. “It’s true. You’ve tried so hard to not be like either of us, to block everyone from your life, and look at you. You turned out like us anyways.” She shakes her head, and I force air into my lungs. “You’re in love with that girl, and you two could have the most amazing life together, but you’re holding back because you think marriage is a fraud.”

“Because it is. Look at you. Look at Dad. Everything is great in the beginning, and then it falls apart. People get hurt, kids get damaged, and then what?” I snap.

“No, not everything falls apart, Kris. Not every marriage is destined for divorce. Not if you communicate, and show each other your love every day. You have to work at marriage, you have to treat it like it’s sacred, and you have to learn to talk to your partner. That’s where your father and I failed.” She wipes a few more tears and I want to scream.

My chest is tight, and I’m hot. I fucking hate shit like this.

“We weren’t always unhappy, and truthfully, we’d still probably be together if we could have just learned to talk through our emotions. But we didn’t. A dish in the sink, or socks by the dirty clothes grew into bigger arguments that never should have happened. All I had to do was tell him I was exhausted from working full time, that I needed his help to put socks in the hamper. And maybe, just maybe,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “he would have understood where I was coming from and maybe our next little argument wouldn’t have been so detrimental.”

I don’t say anything, I just stare at her.

“What I’m trying to say is, our marriage wouldn’t have ended had we learned to communicate and focused on our marriage more. Not every marriage is doomed from the start. I think Kaleb and Ruby will have a wonderful life together, because they talk through things instead of running.” She stares at me, her gaze intensifying. “Not running from something real, Kris. You’re running scared because you don’t want to be hurt. You’re afraid you’ll end up like me and your father, and I’m telling you son, you won’t. Not with Kameron. I saw the love in her eyes just as much as I saw it in yours.”

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