Page 164 of 1001 Dark Nights: Bundle Forty-Seven

“I think Miller is mostly talking,” he assures me.

Violet switched from heels to flip-flops when we arrived at the hall for the reception. She focuses on her feet as she walks the twenty feet across the raised platform. I glance at her empty spot and notice there’s a mostly empty glass of wine beside her plate.

Miller keeps one hand poised behind her as if he’s ready to catch her should she stumble. A little kid screams about ice cream from the guest tables. Miller glances toward the audience as Violet takes the first step down, and then everything goes terribly sideways.

And it’s all being broadcast on the big screen on the other side of the hall. Violet’s dress gets caught between her flip flop and her heel and the whole bodice slides down. Miller gazelle-leaps off the stage while simultaneously shrugging out of his suit jacket. He quickly drapes it over Violet, but it’s too late, everyone has already seen her tatas.

The entire room goes pin-drop silent.

I push my chair back and hop to my feet. Sidney moves to stand, but I put a hand on his shoulder. “I got this.” I quickly strut across the raised platform, pausing at Violet’s spot to grab her clutch and rush to help.

I make eye contact with Aunt Brenda and she gives me a curt nod, and then opens her duffle bag sized purse and starts handing out a round of Jell-O shooters. If ever there was a time to get our guests as sauced as possible, it’s now.

Miller’s eyes are as wide as saucers and Violet is the color of a ripe tomato. He’s holding his suit jacket up like ashield. Violet’s back is facing the guests and thankfully the videographer has shifted his focus. Unfortunately, he’s panning across the stricken faces of the guests. Everyone has seen my daughter’s boobs. This one is going to be hard to live down.

Violet looks like she’s about to burst into tears. “Cover us so I can get her to the bathroom,” I tell Miller.

He nods, eyes still wide, and not blinking. He follows us to the door and I wrap a protective arm around Violet, ushering her into the bridal suite and locking the door behind us.

“Oh my God.” She blinks at me. “Everyone saw my boobs. The flip-flops were supposed to prevent a wardrobe malfunction, not cause one!” She flails her arms around like the inflatable balloon guy on a particularly windy day.

“Everyone is drunk on wine and the vodka Jell-O shooters Aunt Brenda brought along in her picnic basket.” She was handing them out just before the reception.

“Is that why they burned going down? I think she was giving them to the little kids, too.” Violet blows out a breath. “Remind me to never wear a strapless dress ever again. I thought the double-sided tape was going to be enough to keep it in place, but obviously I was wrong. Buck saw my boobs. Up close and personal. It’s going to be awkward now forever.”

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.”

Violet gives me a pinched, disbelieving look.

“Okay. It’ll be a little awkward, but let’s look on the bright side of things. You have a great rack. Your boobs still hold themselves up, if ever there was a time to have a wardrobe malfunction, it’s now, when they’re perky and gravity hasn’t dragged the bitches down to your knees and you don’t need enough under-wire to build an entire birdcage with.” I motion to my own girls, strapped into an under-wire prison so they sit high and mighty on my chest.

“I’m never getting married. I should have let Buck go up on his own, but I wanted to be moral support in case his cue cards gave him a hard time and now my boobs have been seen by like a thousand people.”

“There are only seventy guests, Violet.”

“I’m being extra because I flashed everyone! If I get married one day, I’m eloping. Maybe to an island, or maybe not because I feel like I’d get sand in my underwear and it would suck, or I’d fall into the ocean. Maybe Vegas would be better.”

I grab my daughter by the shoulders. “You can get married wherever you want. Everyone is drunk, honey. Speeches are boring and no one pays attention to them, anyway. Aunt Brenda is handing out more shooters, and she probably used her own moonshine in them, so they’re super potent. No one will remember this even happened. And Miller was quick to cover you up.”

She bites her lips together and sighs. “He’s an annoyingly good stepbrother.”

“He’s doing a solid job so far.” I rub her shoulders. “Want to chug a glass of champagne before we go back out there?”

“Seems like a good idea, but maybe before you do that, we can put on these invisible bra straps so I don’t have another accident. She digs them out of the pocket in her dress.

“Good plan.”

We strap her boobs in and then each down a glass of champagne.

“Ready to go back out there? Speeches should almost be over.”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

I take her back out to the reception. Miller has already finished his speech. He hops up and meets us, taking Vi’s hand as she carefully climbs the stairs, and Sidney and I take our place behind the podium. I drag his mouth down to mine andmake a spectacle while Miller walks Violet back to her seat to keep the attention off her and it works.

I let Sidney take the reins on our speech, mostly because that champagne has gone right to my head and then the DJ cues the first dance.

“Is Violet okay?” Sidney asks as we move around the dance floor.

“She’ll be fine. Eventually. When the embarrassment wears off.” I glance over to find Miller with his arms crossed, glaring at the male server who has suddenly taken an interest in my daughter. “Awww, look, he’s being her bodyguard. They’re just like real siblings.”

“He’s really settling into the big brother role,” Sidney agrees.

I smile up at him and he dips down to kiss me.

Everything feels like it’s clicking into place. I have a fabulous daughter, a stepson who has her back, and now a husband who’s my best friend and a total freak in the sheets.

Life is perfect, and it’s just the beginning.

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