Tears welled, and she shook her head, fully prepared to scuttle back to her tower and cover herself with blankets and self-recrimination alike.
But his hands settled on her shoulders before she had managed even a full step away from him. “It is different,” Lucian argued, voice thick but sincere. “Because you could not trust their motivations. What they might have done if they found himunsuitable.” Her breath caught, the mere idea of it enough to make her shrink inside. “He could be limbless. He could have some sort of mutation that turned his skin purple. I do not care, so long as he was kind to you. That you cared for him and I might see you smile.”
She did not deserve his consideration, but she could not help crying.
Could not help how she allowed herself to sink against him as he held her, the silly book still trapped between them. “Have you sought him out?” he asked gently. “Is that the trouble? You know they would not approve?” He laid his hand on the back of her head, and she thought Firen had taught him a great deal how to comfort a woman through her upset. In childhood, he’d been stiff and offered nothing but the occasional pat if she was particularly distraught.
She didn’t think she could explain to him. Not fully. Not when those fears ran so deeply. She felt like she would flay herselfopen in this very courtyard, bleeding and broke and unable to pull herself together again.
“It was worth it, you know. I would not trade Firen for anything. Not even for my father’s approval.”
Orma sniffed once and nodded, pulling back from him. She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “I know that.”
Lucian’s hand went through his hair, tugging lightly. It made him look like his boyhood self again—all frustration and hard angles and knobby elbows. Perhaps not that part, because his robes covered much, and he wore a dignified set of sleeves to cover the rest.
There was much more he wanted to say, but he didn’t.
More ways he wanted to press at her. Reassure her.
She cut in before he could make up his mind to do so. She couldn’t bear it, not even from him. “Let it be,” Orma pleaded, patting his arm and taking a few steps back so he could see her intention to leave. “Please.”
He grumbled something too low for her to hear. “For now,” he allowed, and although she was certain he did not mean it as a threat, it still felt like one. “For the moment,” he amended, although there was a teasing lilt to his voice that brought a smile, no matter how small, to her lips.
“Is that master of yours teaching you to be relentless? I am not sure that was a quality you needed perfected.”
“Firen,” Lucian admitted. “Turns out I like to get what I want. And that was her.”
She swallowed, strangely touched by his candour. His affection for her was more than apparent, but they were careful of her. Their touches did not linger, their glances were short and polite.
She did not doubt it was much different when they were alone.
“I am glad for you,” she assured him. “But it is different for me.”
Orma did not want an argument, only for him to understand. Which he couldn’t, not with how little she was willing to give to him.
“If you say so,” he countered with a glance that suggested she was abominably foolish, but she quieted anything further.
Thanked him instead.
Because he was sweet when he did not have to be. Lingered on her behalf when there was somewhere much more appealing.
Someonemore appealing.
“Another time,” she amended, for she did like the idea of time spent with the both of them.
Liked it better if she did not feel such an intruder on their private happiness.
She’d almost made it. Almost put enough distance between them so she could retreat in peace and without further discord.
But of course Lucian had to be so frustratingly himself.
Evidently, his time with Firen had not taught him when to retreat. When it was better to let an argument lie.
When he did not need to have the final word, despite the pride he would most assuredly claim he did not possess.
“What is the worst that might happen?” he asked, his voice raised enough to cover the distance between them.
She flinched, her eyes darting around in case any had intruded upon them enough to hear.