Page 73 of Protecting Bianca

I was so warm in his embrace that I closed my eyes.

“I hate how she makes me feel. I hate who I am when I think of her. I hate that even though I haven’t spoken to her in years, she still somehow gets between me and my brother.”

I took a breath, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. “It’s like there’s this shadow over me whenever I feel her presence in my life. A darkness that comes over me that I don’t even recognize myself.”

“Have you told this to River?”

“No.”

“I’m glad you’re sharing with me.”

“I feel safe around you. I feel lighter, somehow, like I can be myself and you won’t try to hurt me or throw my words back at me.”

He squeezed me tighter. “God, Bianca. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“It’s true, though. Sometimes I don’t have the right words to describe my feelings and just use anger to deflect my hurt, especially when I feel someone else has hurt me first.”

Jager’s fingers circled my back. “Your brother cares about you.”

His words drew a lump in my throat. Although I didn’t agree with River’s actions, I couldn’t disagree that he cared.

“I’m so confused.”

“You’ll figure it out. I know you will. I think you just need some time to rest.”

I rubbed my cheek against his sweater and snuggled further into his arms. “Thank you for listening.”

“I love you, B. I’ll always be here for you.”

My body fell limp against his. His words slowly drained my anger and hurt feelings. I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat. It sounded like a signal of hope in a dark and empty tunnel.

I’d lost my mother, my sister, and now perhaps even my brother. But Jager was here, and I held him tighter, afraid that I would mess up and lose him, too.

18

Jager

Bianca’s sniffles stopped a little while ago and there was only the sound of her soft breathing against my chest. I waited a few minutes, ensuring she was in a deep sleep before carrying her to my bed.

I wanted to call River and tell him how much Bianca was hurting, but he had to hear it from her. I also wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk to him about it yet and it broke my heart knowing she hurt this badly.

I tucked her inside the sheets and watched her as she slept. She was so small, yet her hold over me was so powerful.

I also saw tonight how her strained relationship with her mother affected the other relationships in her life. And I wondered if I was doing the same to mine.

Changing into a loose pair of gray sweatpants, I walked to my computer to do some work before morning. However, every time I tried to focus on the assignment, my mind imagined telling my brothers what I was feeling. I’d only thought of sharing with them in passing. I never actually envisioned it. But tonight, I could.

With a sigh, I picked up my phone and stared at the screen. It was 2 a.m. It was late, but if I didn’t send this message tonight, I might never send it.

‘Hey, I know it’s late, and I apologize for the text at this hour. But if you guys are around in the morning, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.’ I hit send and put down my phone. But I still couldn’t concentrate. I thought about deleting the message, as no one would probably see it until the morning.

But then my phone pinged.

It was Will.

‘Hey, brother. Let’s all meet at the office at ten.’

I inhaled deeply and put my phone down.

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