Page 105 of Protecting Bianca

“It smells delicious,” I said.

“I tried something new this time,” said River with a wink.

“Oh, really?”

“Lizzie suggested some braised beef in the sauce for added flavor, and I think it really works.”

River plated our dishes, and Lizzie placed them on the table. Jager looked over at me, but I didn’t meet his eyes. I didn’t want him to see the mixed emotions in mine.

“Bon appétit,” said River, watching me cautiously as he twirled his spaghetti.

Neither of us used spoons. It was sacrilegious in our household to do so. So, I stuck my fork in my dish and twirled it against the side of the plate, forming a perfect funnel of spaghetti. Slowly, I raised the fork to my mouth and closed my lips over the saucy steel.

A rich, meaty flavor hit my tongue, and I knew instantly this was so much better than my mother’s recipe. I chewed slowly until every morsel was absorbed and swallowed. Then I picked up my napkin and cleaned my lips. River and Lizzie watched me carefully. River hadn’t even taken a bite of his pasta yet.

“So?” he asked. “What do you think?”

“It tastes nothing like the sauce we were raised to make.”

“I know. It’s not typical—“ began Lizzie, but I interrupted her.

“It’s so much better,” I said and smiled.

Lizzie’s face lit up and River’s smile filled his whole face. “It’s pretty good, huh?”

“I hope you know I’m stealing this recipe.” I stuck my fork back on my plate and twirled another mouthful.

I felt Jager’s hand on my knee as he squeezed it under the table.

The rest of the dinner went amicably well. We talked a little about what had happened, but no one wanted to dwell on it much, especially me. We also talked about some of the homes Jager and I looked at. I told them there was one in particular I really liked. River’s face faltered a bit when I mentioned moving to a new place, but he nodded even if he pressed his lips together while doing so.

After dinner, we all helped clear the table when Lizzie put her hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you and River take a seat in the living room? Jager and I’ve got this.”

River looked at me with a question in his eyes, and I nodded. “Sure. I think that’s a good idea.”

I sat on Lizzie’s new chair and wiggled in it to get comfortable. “The old chair was ugly, but man was it comfortable.”

“Right?” laughed River and continued to stare at me. “I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“Look, B. I want to apologize for the things I said before.”

I shook my head. “No. I need to apologize.”

“Please. Let me go first.” He inhaled and exhaled slowly. “I want you to know I’m not saying this because of what happened at the pier. I regretted my words the moment you walked out that door, but my pride held me back, and for that I’m sorry, too.”

I nodded and reached out to hold his hand.

“You were right. I never saw it as competing with you, but it made me feel good when mom would praise my actions while disapproving of yours and it made me want to please her more. I thought I was being a good son, but in reality, it made me a shitty brother.”

“You were never a shitty brother. She should never have put us against each other. You were only doing what you thought was expected of you. I realize that now.”

He nodded. “And you’re not ungrateful. You’re strong and brave, and sometimes I envied your distance from her while resenting the rift in our family. It was all very confusing.”

“I know. I get it.”

“And mostly, I regret asking you to leave. I never meant for good, even when I’d said it in anger. I never wanted you to move out. Even with Lizzie moving in, it doesn’t mean you have to leave. I want you to stay.”

---