Page 58 of Stuck With the Billionaire Grump

I pause. He stares down at me. It’s so quiet and dark in here, it’s like we’re miles away from the party. Miles away from earth,really. Or, that’s what I might be inclined to think, if not for the cardboard box full of Clorox wipes right next to me.

“I’m already embarrassed enough,” I tell him. “Let’s just go back to the reception. Maybe a couple shots of tequila will help.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?”

I snort. “Because Eric thinks youlikeme. He thinks you like me enough to act like a macho idiot and try to claim his territory.”

There’s a long beat of silence. Theo’s shoes shuffle quietly on the tile floor.

“I do like you, Lucy.”

I shake my head. “No, you hate me.”

“No, I don’t. I really, really don’t. I already told you that.”

“Well, great. You don’t hate me. Confirmed. Are we done here?”

“No, we’re not.” I can hear when Theo swallows hard, as if there’s a substantial lump in his throat. “I don’t know what it is about this town, but I swear I’ve been thinking more clearly since I arrived here. And ever since I saw you… or, I guess, ever since I ran into you, I feel like my entire life has been flipped upside down.”

I slump back against the far wall, though that still doesn’t leave much space between us. “That doesn’t sound pleasant, Theo.”

“It’s a good thing, Lucy. I’ve been living my life on autopilot for years. Maybe my whole life, honestly. When I was kid, I knew how stressful my parents’ careers were, so I took the path of least resistance. I never fought back when my mother dragged me around from audition to audition, trying to make me into a little male version of her. I didn’t argue when my parents told me they were getting divorced. I didn’t even bother trying to fight it when they decided to send me to the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvaniathat summer. I think the only rebellion I’ve ever performed—if you can call it that—is going to college for software engineering.”

I understand what he means. I was the same way. When my mom died, I did everything I could to minimize the weight on my dad’s shoulders. I never misbehaved in school. I tried my best to get good grades, to convince him that I was perfectly fine.

Then, when he and my first stepmom told me about their divorce, I defaulted to the same coping mechanism. Going with the flow. Being sweet and charming and easy to get along with. I never let any of my pain show because I knew how hurt everyone else around me already was.

Maybe that’s why I was fantasizing about having my own wedding this morning. Maybe, for the first time in my life, I’m letting the pain and regret and yearning creep through the cracks. I can only choke down my desires for so long.

That’s why I’ve avoided love at all costs—because of the pain I’ve learned to associate with it.

“I understand,” I tell him. “I mean, I get what you’re saying, but I also don’t quite know where you’re going with this.”

A gentle breath of laughter. He inches closer.

“What I’m saying is that I’m tired of just letting life happen to me, Lucy. I’m tired of being the man on the sidelines. The one who never speaks, never draws attention to himself. I want to be different. I want…”

He trails off. My heart is pounding again.

I hear him take a deep breath.

“I want you, Lucy.” He steps closer. His suit jacket brushes against the satin of my dress. “I want to know what it’s like to love someone. I want to fall in love withyou. I know that we have all that animosity in our past and I know that I’m hardly the kind of man you deserve. I know that I’m grouchy and difficult to deal with and standoffish more often than not. I know that you’d probably much rather date a guy who makes you smile and laughall the time. A guy who can be just as happy and carefree all the time as you are, but—”

“I’m not that happy, Theo,” I force myself to say. It’s a truth I’ve never dared to acknowledge. Not even to myself.

“What?”

“I’m not as happy as I seem to be. A lot of it is fake. You know the phrase ‘fake it until you make it’? I’m, like, the poster child for that.” I exhale slowly, gathering the courage to utter these words aloud. “I’m notunhappy, of course. That’s not really what I mean. I have my friends and my family. I love where I live. And, yes, I do tend to be stubbornly optimistic about most things, but I don’t need someone who is just as good at pretending to be happy all the time. If anything, I could really use somebody who can give me a healthy dose of reality.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,oh.”

“I just thought—well, you’re always so bubbly and sociable.”

“I like socializing. That’s true. But I’m not the perfect little sunshine you seem to think I am, Theo. I can be difficult, too.”

“Well, I know that. In fact, I might be the only person who really knows that for sure.”

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