Page 60 of Stuck With the Best Man

Maybe, in another life, we could have gotten married there too. We’ve already walked down the aisle together in that town once before. Is it too ridiculous of me to think we could do it again, but in a different context? With her as the bride and me as the…

Slow down,I snarl at myself.She won’t even go on a date with you. You’re letting your imagination run away with itself. It’s just foolish schoolboy fantasies.

“What if we waited until after you’re promoted to principal?” I ask. “If you’re already in the highest possible position a dancer can reach andthenwe—”

“That could take years, Ben,” Ruby cuts me off. “I don’t even know if I’ll ever even be a principal dancer. I’m lucky enough to be a soloist. Most dancers spend their entire career in the corps.”

She doesn’t say what we’re both thinking, but we know that the delay in her promotion is my fault. Because I cancelledGiselle. Because I made one stupid decision without thinking hard enough about it first.

“You’re good enough to be principal, Ruby. Yes, it’s impressive that you’re a soloist, but I know you’re destined for more.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to date me.”

I crack a smile. “I’m not just saying that, and you know it.”

“Whatever. Even if I was promoted tomorrow and nobody found out about us until, like, six months from now, it would be a disaster. The pettiest of dancers will do anything to argue that others didn’t truly earn their places in the company. It’s just not possible, Ben.”

Rural Connecticut continues to soar by beyond the windows, but I suddenly don’t have it in me to appreciate the beauty of it.

There’s no hope for us. If I keep my position on the board, there’s no possible way for me to be with Ruby and if I leave my position on the board, I’ll lose my family’s respect once and for all. Then again, I’m not certain I ever had my family’s respect in the first place. I meant what I said to Ruby, that maybe it’s about time I stopped caring what they think. Stopped letting their judgment make me feel so inferior. I have goals and interests of my own, and perhaps it’s time that I actually start following them. I might be a Hawthorne, but that doesn’t mean my destiny is written in stone.

Ruby thinks I’ll regret leaving the Board of Directors and that will somehow ruin the fledgling romance between us. The fact she’s even acknowledging that there’s a connection growing between me and her is a miracle enough on its own. She went from despising me to being willing to go on a second date with me.

How can I possibly give up that opportunity? How could I ever walk away from her and not spend the rest of my life wondering what I might have missed out on?

I love working for the ballet, but it’s not my dream job.

I know she won’t believe me if I tell her that. I know she’ll think that I’m just saying whatever I need to in order to convince her that everything is fine. To her, careers are serious, long-term things. The sort of thing you devote your entire heart and soul to. Leaving for potential love isn’t an option.

So, I guess I’ll just have to do it on my own and hope for the best. I’ll have to do it in a way that makes her believe it’s not because of her. That’s the only way she’ll feel secure about this.

Perhaps I should feel sad about the prospect of writing my resignation letter, but I actually feel kind of excited. Even the thought of what my father will say when he finds out doesn’t fill me with as much dread as it should.

All I want is for Ruby to be in my life. If I have that, I can’t help feeling like everything else will be okay.

Ruby, who seems to be just as lost in her thoughts as I am in mine, sinks down lower in the seat.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she murmurs. “Maybe after I retire… if our paths cross again… I mean, our best friends are married now, so it’s likely to happen…”

At her age, she still has at least a decade left of her career. Would she really wait ten years for me?

I don’t think I could wait that long for her. Not because I’d rather find someone else to settle down with sooner than that, but because I very selfishly want hernow. If I had no choice but to merely admire her from the audience like everyone else, I might go mad with longing.

For now, however, I keep those thoughts to myself.

“It’s okay, Ruby,” I say. “We’ll find a way. I know we will.”

I can feel her eyes on me, but if she feels the need to protest the promise I’ve made, she doesn’t voice it aloud.

The wise woman of the beach put that ruby in my pocket for a reason. I’ve never been much of a spiritual person, but I want to believe that it means we really are going to find a way. We’ve already fought our way off the battlegrounds of miscommunications and misunderstandings. We’ve already survived a minor hurricane together.

That has to mean something.

Chapter Nineteen: Ruby

WhentheNewYorkCity skyline comes into view, I feel a strange mix of emotions. Most of it is pure relief over being home at last. What should have been a few hours’ journey in the car turned into a twenty-four-hour hellscape of a situation.

There’s another part of me that is keenly aware of the fact that my time with Ben is now extremely limited. I know that I’ll see him soon enough, considering his position at the company, but it will never be like this again. We will never be like this again. Almost friends, almost lovers. Something tentative yet infuriating, incredible yet dizzying.

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