Page 89 of Bean

“No?”

“No. We’re not going to do this. Not for sex, and not for food.”

“Sweetheart—”

“No,” Bean said again. It was the first time he’d ever spoken to me with any sort of force, and my dick twitched in my pants in spite of the fact that Bean actually looked annoyed. “You didn’t let me do it, and I’m not going to let you.I won’t sit here in front of the work you put in to make this evening perfect and tell you all the ways you went wrong.”

I almost argued. There were protests on the tip of my tongue because that wasn’t what I was doing. Except…wasn’t I? It hit me like a freight train that it was exactly what Gio used to do. I’d go out of my way to put together something for him, and while he’d always smile and kiss me and thank me, he’d also make sure to tell me all the ways I could have made it better. A reminder of all the ways I’d never measured up to his expectations.

I had never and would never be good enough. But that was Gio’s version of me. That wasn’t who I really was. At least, not in Bean’s eyes.

I swallowed heavily and glanced away. How did I still have so many scars from a man I had stopped loving so many years ago?

“Jarek—”

“I’m sorry,” I rasped.

Bean stood and made his way around the table. He stared at the seat beside me, then swung his leg over my thighs instead and straddled me. Our gazes locked, and he sighed before curling his palms around my jaw and kissing me.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

I burst into laughter, burying the sound against his chest as I clung to him. “You didn’t hurt my feelings, sunshine. Not even close. You made me realize there was a small part of me still living in the past, trapped by the unkindness of my ex.”

“You’re not alone in trauma like that,” Bean said softly.

I pulled back and looked up into his gorgeous eyes. “I guess we have to be patient with each other, huh?”

He dipped his head for a second swift kiss. “Yeah. But we’ve both had a lot of practice, I bet.”

I snorted a laugh and leaned back in my chair so I could see him properly. He was so gorgeous and fit on my lap like he belonged there. My fear was still sparking through my veins, but it was quieter now. I felt braver.

Those three little words were dancing on the tip of my tongue, but I held them back. They could wait until later tonight. Until I let myself be selfish this one last time before I attempted to change everything about who we were to each other.

Digging my fingers into his hips, I dragged him closer. He let out a soft gasp as his half-hard cock rubbed against mine, and I rolled my hips against his. “Do you have anything on that list of yours you want to try, gorgeous?”

He swallowed heavily, his eyes a little foggy. It took him a moment to react, and then he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the little notebook. Biting his lip, he flipped toward the back, looked slightly panicked, then flipped forward.

Was there something in there?

The look was gone from his eyes, though, and desire had replaced it. He licked the tip of his finger, turning the page, then said, “There’s one.” He turned the book toward me, and I squinted, but I didn’t have my readers and the word was small.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t see that. Can you say it, or do you want me to get my glasses?”

He looked terrified for a moment, then he squared his shoulders. He’d been so good the other night—so brave and perfect—but I also knew that didn’t mean he would be all the time. “Um…”

“You don’t have to,” I reminded him.

He shook his head. “No, I want to. I just struggle with this word. Nash helped me use the right term, but it doesn’t sound very sexy.”

I tilted my head to the side. “Give it a try?”

“Inter…inter…cur…” He trailed off, but it was fine. I knew what he was trying to say.Intercrural.

I dropped my hands to his inner thighs and dragged them up toward where he was hard and tenting his pants. “You want me to fuck your thighs? Or do you want to fuck mine?”

His ears were bright red and he bit his lip, closing his eyes on a long, slow breath. “I want to f-fuck yours,” he stammered. God, that word on his lips sounded so goddamn erotic. “I want to top sometime, I think. I want to try it. But I’m not ready. I think this would be a really good compromise.”

“I think so too,” I said, my voice dropping low. I leaned up, cupping his ass and dragging him all the way against me. He groaned, rocking his hips, thrusting against my straining cock. “And I really like it.”

---