Page 40 of The Fox

I hear the whirling of chopper blades, the rotations of them louder than my pounding heart. Flexing my fingers, I begin to gauge my response and there is nothing. I can’t curl them. I can’t move them. Fuck me.Fuck. This.I scream, emptying my lungs of the very air I need to survive. Boots find me, camouflage identical to my own now standing before me. I don’t care who they are. I just need to get out. I need to find Chris. The person before me speaks and I can’t make out what they’re saying before I hear a coordination and feel a sharp pain radiate up my arm. There is tugging and pulling before I am free.

“Find Thor. Find him,” I whisper as my adrenaline response wears off and the shock starts to dissipate. “He fell. Gods, he fell.”

Medics, or so I assume based on the insignia I see, work me over and I hear mumbles into their comms about an evac and needing surgical support. My stomach drops and I know in this instant, I am done.

“Found him!” A voice calls out behind me and I turn, fighting the hands holding me steady. I climb over the rubble, further injuring myself. I don’t care.

“Thor! Chris!” There isn’t a response and the operators standing by him are silent, watching me as I make it closer to where he lays. I hit my knees and slam his chest, yelling as the tears run down my face.

Fuck. No. Not Chris. Dammit. Why isn’t anyone helping? A sound I don’t recognize rips from my chest, guttural and inhuman. I collapse on his body, sobs wrecking me, and I feel a hand on my shoulder.??“Time to go, Rhodes.” I can’t bring myself to stand, let alone leave my partner behind. Strong arms lift me as a whirlwind of coordination surrounds me, and I crash.

When I finally came to, I was laid up in a hospital bed, my arm secured, and devastation deep in my body. I was told that I would be honorably discharged should I want to be and I would need therapy to regain movement in my left hand, from my fingertips to mid-bicep. I spent months angry at the world. Angry at my leadership. Angry at myself. I wasn’t okay and the frustrations of getting my mobility back did not help at all. I just wanted to drown in my grief, of the pain from losing my partner, and my career. Nine fucking months of therapy and recovery gave me a piece of myself back. Nothing healed the hole from losing Chris.

I couldn’t save him. I live with that truth every day.

I can’t lose Amelia too. I will not come back from that loss.

I rest my arms on the blanket beside her, laying my head on them to look up at Amelia. Even in this moment, I’ve never seen anyone as breathtaking as her. I decide to tell her a story before bed, something happy to bring light to the darkness surrounding us.

“When I was six or seven, my mom decided that she would teach me how to make the traditional Polish dishes she’d grown up on. Pierogi, little racuchies topped with powdered sugar, and this red borscht. Gods, this soup had beets in it,kochanie. I despised beets. Still do. But Mama wanted me to learn about my Polish roots and so, we spent that summer covered in flour and who knows what else. That was the first summer I remember going to the lakehouse my dad built. It wasn’t anything most people would be impressed with but for young Rhodes? Ithrived. I could fish all day, run around barefoot until Mama called my name or the fireflies danced in the night sky.”

A chuckle releases from my chest at the memory.

“Mama made my birthday cake that spring too. Wuzetka is this traditional Polish pie that combines chocolate and cream. It is the best. You’d love it. Probably do that little dance you do when your food is really good. I’ll make it for you on your birthday, okay? It won’t be as good as my mama’s but I’ll do my damndest to get it close. I’ll feed it to you, I swear.”

A single tear rolls down my cheek, getting trapped in the beard I’ve grown from lack of trimming it.

“That’s my favorite place in the world. No, that is a lie. That used to be the place I was happiest. You are my happy place, kochanie. I am not happy if I’m not with you.”

CHAPTER 28

Rhodes---Failed Foundation

I am not sure when it happened, the surrender. It is as if all of the safe-holds failed, the collapse of my foundation inevitable.

When did I become weak for her? Was it the moment I saw her at the farmer’s market, nose buried in the fresh cut flowers, a jar of honey in hand? That first night I’d sat on her street, watching her, making sure she was safe? Was it when she smiled at me that day in Parker’s coffee shop? Surely it couldn’t have been the day I spent trailing her, keeping my distance as she moved through her life. Perhaps she broke my armor the morning I’d found her dancing to AC/DC in her closet, without a care in the world. Maybe it was the moment her levees broke, when she had begun to lay herself bare, and all her cards spread out in the most glorious of wonders.

One thing I know for certain?

She is mine to worship. To protect. To dominate. To walk beside. To adore.

To love.

And gods, do I love her.

CHAPTER 29

Amelia---Adoration in the Revelation

My throat is raw, like razor blades have been shoved down it. There is a loud beeping, rhythmic in its timing, and I can tell that there’s a bright light overhead, blinding me.

There is an aching coupled with a sheer, inexplicable pain that my body recognizes, my limbs heavy under something scratchy. Warmth is wrapped around my hand, and I want so badly to squeeze, whatever it is. It feels like a safe idea, and I don’t remember the last time I felt that feeling.

“Amelia”

There’s that voice. I’ve heard it for a little bit now, the steady cadence having become a soothing balm to the hurt. I haven’t been alone here; the person behind that gruff voice has refused to leave my side. For the first time in my life, I haven’t had to fight my demons alone. He has battled them back for me while I find my way back to him.

I have been clawing my way back to Rhodes.

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