Page 35 of The Fox

“I have been your best friend since we were eleven, Amelia Conte. I know you better than anyone. ”

“There isn’t—” she starts, but I’m not hearing it. Amelia doesn’t get to avoid this discussion, not on girl’s night. Not with me.

“I see you with him, you know. You both come into my coffee shop every morning. You danced around each other for an eternity, and I sawhow youyearnedfor his gaze. I see the way you light up when Rhodes talks with you. I see the way he leans into you, his eyes never leave you, but he’s constantly checking the surroundings to make sure you are safe. You smile more now.”

Amelia is quiet, pensive.

“Does he know?”

“Know what, P?” Her nickname for me slips from her lips. I haven’t heard that from her in forever.She’s avoiding acknowledging what is happening.Her eyes turn downcast, and her shoulders angle into her body.She hasn’t told him.

“You need to tell him, Ames.”

“Parker. I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”

“Why? We need to talk about this, Amelia. I don’t know what you have going in that brain of yours, but it clearly isn’t thinking logically. Not once have I ever known you to shy away from doing the hard things.”

“I’m not thinking logically?!” Amelia exclaims in disbelief.

I stand my ground, refusing to cower before my best friend. “No, you aren’t. If you were thinking with common sense, Rhodes would know who you are by now, and we wouldn’t have to talk about this.”

“Common sense.” She stares at me, those grey eyes locking themselves on to my green, as her voice turns deadly. There is a storm brewing within her. “Common sense tells me he’s as good as dead with me. Common sense tells me I shouldn’t keep him for myself. Common sense tells me I should fucking let him go before my darkness taints his light. He is everything good. I am not.”

I watch as she bounces her foot against the couch, the agitation building. It is only a matter of time before she starts to pace, her body becoming unable to contain her emotions. “You deserve to have something good, too,” I whisper.

She huffs, the laugh falling short. “Parker. You and I both know that isn’t true. There isn’t a drop of goodness in my bloodline. I had it beat out of me, smothered until it was little more than ember. I gave up happiness when I chose to take Papa’s seat. I chose to not fall in love. I chose to deny myself human comfort when I took over.” She starts to pick at her cuticles, her voice hard as steel. “What do you think would happen if the other Families found out that I was with someone? That I had made an emotionally charged decision? No. I can’t give them any more ammunition than what they already have. I am a monster, and I must remain one.” Amelia’s voice is booming now, the frustration evident in her tone.

“Ames.”

She stands abruptly, her body trembling with annoyance. I track her, watching her rationalize this out loud. Back and forth she walks before me, both thinking and trying to expel some of this anxious energy she’s kept cooped up.

“You think I haven’t thought about it? Gods, I wish I could hold his hand. I dream of going on trips with him, laughing as we explore new places. I want to wake up curled into him every morning.” She spins, pinning me with a stare, before continuing.

“Rhodes gives me feelings of warmth that I have never been able to experience. For once in my fucking life, I have a safe place to land. But claiming him as mine puts a target on his back and a bounty on his head. Making him mine means the other Families can use him against me. I will not put that kind of fucking sacrifice on someone else.”

My heart sinks at her admission. There are moments where Amelia lets her walls down, and this is one of them. I know she loves Rhodes. I can tell that he is head over heels for her. My best friend is incredibly resilient. I don’t know if I would have survived her past, but I know she won’t survive the future if she continues down this path she has chosen. Despite having been born to a man within the upper levels of the Irish Mob, I was never going to lead. But Amelia? That’s a burden she’s had to carry by herself. It is on nights like tonight, I can tell the pressure sinks her like an anchor, weighing her down until she nearly touches the bottom. You can drown on land too, and if Ames doesn’t start putting herself first?

I will not bury my best friend, nor will I allow her to dig herself a grave.

“Ames. You need to choose yourself for once. Fuck what the arseholes think. Since when have we cared about that?” I pause, watching as she picks at her nail beds once more. Amelia hasn’t paused her movement either; she is wholly consumed by this emotion.

“And if you think Rhodes can’t handle himself, you haven’t been paying attention. The man was a fucking sniper, Amelia. He was damn good at what he did too, apparently. He told me all about his time in the service when he was trying to get your name out of me. For days, I listened to him tell me the little things about himself, in an effort to get close to you. He doesn’t know how to fail, and I don’t think he’d let anything happen to you if you let him in.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“That man would kill for you. He would follow to the fiery pits of hell if it meant he could save you.”

“Parker, I can’t.”

“You can. You must.”

She stops, turning to me with tears welling in her eyes and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “I can’t, P. Telling him who I am means…”

“It means what? That he finally has a complete picture of who you are? To love you means he has to love The Fox too. If he builds a life with you, then he builds it with the Mafia as well. Do you feel like you’d lose Rhodes’ respect if he knew you fuckingownthe dark side of this city? That you run it alone?” I know my tone is harsh, but I refuse to change it. “Tell me, Amelia. What is the downside to letting him in? I don’t think he’d shy away from you if he knew. We both know he’d be in your corner.”

I see how what I am saying is breaking through her thick skull. I have to keep pushing because I know I will have her with what I say next.

I take a breath, pushing myself off the couch. Reaching for her hands, I place them in mine. I can feel the anxiety coming off her in waves. “But the reality of the situation is this: he already has a bounty on his head, love. If you don’t think the Families aren’t watching your every move—and now his—then you are mistaken. Why are you so vehemently denying yourself the love that is waiting for you? You have been without love for so long, and now it is right in front of you, waiting for you to take it.” I wrap my arms around her, tucking her against me. “You need to tell him, Ames.”

---