Page 26 of The Fox

“I’m, I’m okay I—”

“We can stop,” he says gently. I don’t want to stop. I can feel my heart beating within its cage and I know my breaths are shallow. I feel the burn in my grip, aware of the way I am grasping the blue satin. I shake my head against the pillow, praying to the heavens above he doesn’t end it here.

“No, please.” I flex my fingers and readjust my grip, swallowing hard.

I know I’m forcing my body to accept this pain, that this will be one I choose willingly. I will demand my bones to yield, and my mind to quiet, if it means I get to have him this way. Even if it means breaking myself, I will feel the tanned skin running the curves of my body as his lips map their way south. I want the snap of his hips to make my head crash into the nearest wall, our ragged breaths composing a symphony.

“Please. Rhodes, please.”

He runs his fingers along my brow, down my nose, and finally grazing my cheek; the look in his eyes is not pity but sadness. I see it for a moment and then it is replaced with determination.

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath and releases it before dropping to his forearms. My breath catches in my throat and Rhodes meets my eyes one last time before he moves the final inch. He lays his body flush against mine and, despite the molten lust in my bones, my mind is starting to take me back to that night I was broken. The walls are closing in, fear dancing in the shadows, and I can hear the voices—their voices—again. I buck against him, shoving against the weight pinning me, and my hands fly from the looped satin.

“Stop,” I shout, chest heaving as my eyes close in shame. I feel his weight lift from me. I can barely contain the tears dotting my vision. I wrap my arms around my knees, shaking and wanting to be incredibly small right now. The hold I have on my legs isn’t tight enough, the adrenaline now coursing through my veins makes me shake. I open my eyes, but I don’t see him. I rock back and forth, staring at a blank spot on the wall.

“Where are you,kochanie?” His voice is but a whisper against the demons banging at my gates, and I cannot let them find him. “Come back to me, Amelia. You are okay, baby. You did so well.”

No, I didn’t, Rhodes. I couldn’t handle this. You put all the power in my hand, and I fucking failed.

There is warmth encircling me now, and I want to stay here—where it is safe. My demons can’t find me if I stay. “Where are you?” A pattern is being drawn on my knee, soothing and grounding; I smell him, the mixture of leather and cloves calling me home.

“I…” I hesitate, knowing that whatever I tell him, it won’t be enough. “I panicked. Gods, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not sorry. You did what I told you to do.Kochanie, you are safe. I don’t know where you went, baby, but you are here with me now.” He kisses the top of my head, and I feel the tension start to ebb. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” I whisper. “I just want to move past this and not freak out. Why is that so damn hard?” I lean against his firm torso, breathing deeply. “Thank you for listening when I said ‘stop.’” He tenses behind me. I know Rhodes wants to ask a question I am not ready to answer. I don’t know how long we sit like this, but eventually, I fidget and move away from him, turning so that I can see his face. “I need to try again. I have to.” I meet his eyes, hoping he won’t deny me this. “Please.” There is hesitation written along his features and for a brief moment, I think he will deny me. I don’t want to leave this bed, leave him right now.

“Amelia,” he starts, but I interrupt him with a searing kiss. My hands wrap around his neck, curling my fingers into his hair as I pull us back against the bedding. He is nestled in between my thighs, and I let out an exhale as he settles against me.

CHAPTER 18

Rhodes---Boundaries

She is desperate against me, her lips bruising, and we are nothing more than the clashing of teeth and roaming of hands. Those wide hips are canting up to meet mine, and as much as I’d love to sink into her, I know we need to talk. I break from her, wanting to make sure this is what she truly wants.

There is beauty in submission, in the yielding of yourself to another person and trusting them with such a gift.

Amelia Conte willingly allowing me to see her at this moment was just that—a gift. One I will not squander and it is a responsibility I do not take lightly.

I stare down at the woman beneath me. Her eyes are wild. They are aglow with desire that is burning her from the inside out, while also laced with timidness from her having to use her safeword earlier. Those plush lips, swollen from kissing, part with each breath leaving her chest. Gods, her chest. I could lay my head on those ample breasts and I’d never want to leave. She has a sweatshirt on but I know that if I were to slide my hands up her body, my hands would be full of her. I reach up, placing all my weight on one hand, to brush a strand of hair from her face, the dark tress soft against my fingers. Her brows are furrowed in confusion. Her throat bobs as my hand traces her cheeks.

I wonder if she thinks I will reject her.

“Kochanie,” I whisper, my voice staying soft and gentle. The last thing I want is for Amelia to further retreat into herself with doubt and shame. “We can simply lay here.” I would listen to her read the phone book if that is what she wanted.

She pulls that bottom lip between her teeth and starts to nibble nervously. I cup her jaw, my thumb pulling that flesh from her canines and running along her mouth. I watch her pupils dilate as I rest my thumb there.I could so easily tell her to suck like the good girl I know she is.

“Amelia. We don’t have to go any further than this. I swear to you, I am more than content to simply lay next to you. To have you tangled in these sheets in whichever way I can.” I feel her try to buck into me, attempting to force her body into doing something her brain refuses to allow, and I tilt my head. “Baby, I’m not doing this tonight.”

I roll off her, laying next to her and prop my head on my hand, my elbow bent into the bedding. I place a hand on her soft belly, a reminder that I am still here. That I still very much want to be with her. I can feel the tension rolling off her body, and I watch as she brings a single hand to her face, delicately wiping a tear from her eye. That tongue which had so skillfully danced with mine peeks out, moistening her lips, as she releases a shuddering breath.

“I am never enough.”

She says it so softly, if the room wasn’t silent I would think I’d imagined it.Fuck.

“Look at me.” Amelia shakes her head, the gesture rustling the sheets and she pulls her lips between her teeth, hands flexing anxiously. I grip her chin with my thumb and two fingers, forcing her gaze to meet mine. The movement is a gentle command in hopes she’ll let her desire to submit take over. I want to silence what is going on in her head. “Let me in your pretty head, baby.” Those grey eyes dance everywhere apart from where I want them and I can’t take it.

“Eyes,kochanie.” My voice drops an octave as I demand what I want from her. A whimper falls from her as Amelia looks at me, painfully attempting to hide what she’s feeling—and failing. “What do you mean?”

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