Page 86 of Ricochet

With my arm that’s still around him, I squeeze him a little tighter. His words start to heal that fracture in my heart that opened up when he first awoke, filling in that crack with gold.

I’m pretty sure he’s fallen asleep when I feel the smooth flow of his warm breath against my skin.

Instead of telling him he’s mine while he sleeps, I tell him something different this time.

“It’s because I’m yours, Callum. All fucking yours.”

I’ve been so fucking tiredthis last week. The nightmares have come back in full force.

Stone has tried to get me to stay at his place, but I might be avoiding it. All those feelings from before are starting to creep back up on me, the ones where I feel weak and vulnerable.

I don’t hate Stone this time for seeing me like that. I only hate myself.

I have no doubt he could help me through the nightmares. The thought of waking up with him inside me instead of those suffocating shadows is a comforting one. It’s accepting that comfort that I’m having a difficult time with. It’s letting him pin my limbs to that tray and dissect me all over again. He hasn’t seen everything there is to see, but if he gets his scalpel in me once more, he might find it.

That’s why I had to rush out of practice today before he could ask me to come over. I didn’t want the temptation because I’m already close to giving in.

I decided to stop by the small gym on the first floor of my apartment complex, hoping that maybe if I exhaust myself to the limit, even the shadows will be too tired to haunt me tonight. I work out for nearly an hour before I’m at risk of collapsing.

When I open the door to my apartment and step inside, I see Jesse and Eric on the couch. I remember one of them telling me they had some project they’d be working on together for a couple weeks.

“Hey, man,” Eric says as I close the door behind me. “I was going to offer you a ride, but you left after practice pretty quick.”

“Wanted to hit the gym for a bit. Thanks, though.”

“So that’s what that smell is that you’ve brought in with you,” Jesse mutters while he’s staring down at his phone, nose wrinkled.

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, and how’s that project coming?”

“Shut it. I’m trying to get laid this weekend.” His fingers fly across his screen as he texts. Then he pauses. “Is buttcheeks one word or should I spread them apart?”

Eric snorts. “You should always spread them apart.”

They laugh while I’m left shaking my head as I walk to my room.

“Hey,” Jesse stops me. “I was gonna order some pizza. Want in?”

I can only imagine what Stone would think about me sharing a pizza with Eric, but, hell, he doesn’t have to know. I’m fucking starving, and I’d probably only grab a protein bar otherwise.

“Sure.”

Jesse must’ve already pulled up an app on his phone because he wrinkles his nose again. “Over an hour for delivery. I’m too fucking famished for that. I’ll just go pick it up.”

“I’ll stay here and try to get some work done,” Eric says as he picks up a textbook from the coffee table.

Jesse stands, walks over to the door, and grabs his keys off the hook. Then he turns back, pointing a finger at me. “You go shower or no pizza for you.”

“I’m going. I’m going.”

Once in my room, I close the door behind me. I place my phone on top of the dresser and toss my bag on the bed, planning on doing at least a little homework later. In my bathroom, I turn on the shower. While the water warms up, I strip out of my sweaty clothes and throw them in the hamper.

As I stand beneath the steaming spray, I lean my shoulder against the cool tiles and close my eyes. I’m so tired I could probably sit down right here and sleep while the water beats down on me.

Then my stomach growls, and I decide pizza is more important.

After washing up, I dry off and wrap the towel around my waist. When I open the door, I freeze at the threshold. Any warmth the shower had provided dissipates, replaced by a blast of cold dread.

Eric stands by my bed with my sketchbook in his hands. I immediately know which one it is by the worn, tattered cover and the loose pages that have fallen to the floor.

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