Page 93 of When I'm Gone

Once upon a time, in a world of sparkly misleading delusions, butterflies would erupt in my stomach when he called me pretty like that. Probably would have made my entire day. Now, I can see the truth that I dodged for too long. It’s simply a way to manipulate me, make me more malleable to his abuse. Complicit, even.

Unsure what to do with myself after I’ve sanitized my wound, I pull up a seat across from him trying to absorb what little I can from my surroundings. Anything would help. Aaron has made it to the sports section, which meansthis paper won’t hold his attention for much longer. Best I can tell, we’re in a heavily isolated cabin. No matter how hard I strain my ears, I can’t hear the slightest indication of human life outside these walls.

He doesn’t trust that I’ll stay here, which is fairly reasonable because I would bolt at the first opportunity. But there’s nothing within plain sight that tells me this would be a permanent place for him. None of his important belongings, like his extensive collection of records or the sound system he played them on.

Turns out, loud music covers a multitude of sins when it comes to keeping the neighboring apartments in the dark about his behavior. That was reserved for his more bone-deep rage rather than a day-to-day correction, though.

Aaron carefully folds the paper, sets it down in front of him and regards me in an almost clinical fashion. It sends a shiver rolling down my spine. We are predator and prey, here in this cage but I refuse to let him make me feel weak. I survived his wrath for four years and came out on top. I can do it again, but this time I need to make it permanent.

If he doesn’t want me anymore, he won’t care where I am or who I’m with, and that’s the only hope I have to get back to Chase. Even thinking his name makes my heart ache, but I can’t show Aaron any cracks in my facade that he can exploit. “Why are we here, Aaron?”

The chair creaks as he leans back. “What do you mean by that, exactly?”

I repress a sigh. He knows what I mean, but he’s hoping I’ll get scared and back down. Pretend I’m stupid and he’s not an abusive piece of shit. I’ve done it for a long time, but things are different now. “Why am I here? You have a fiancé, and it’s certainly not me.”

Sweat breaks out on my back, knowing he has a gun somewhere here, and he’s never needed one to kill medoesn’t sit well, but I meant it when I said things are different now. I’m different. “It appalls me how naïve you really are sometimes, doll.”

“Were you expecting much different? I was a child when you asked me out.”

Aaron laughs, an ugly sound that makes my skin crawl. “Always dodging accountability, aren’t you? You threw yourself at me. I saved you, Easton. Or should I have left you homeless, considering even your own parents couldn’t stand to look at you any longer?”

Okay. Ouch. “You still haven’t answered my question.” It’s an effort to keep my voice level when all I want to do is scream about the injustices he’s forced upon me, but I think of Chase and my brother somewhere wondering if I’m alive and I manage it. “I want to know why I’m here. I moved across the country to get away from you, it’s not like that leaves much to the imagination as to the state of our relationship.”

That word tastes foul on my tongue, like betrayal. Boyfriend seems like a sacred term now, once I learned what it should look like. I may have used that word on Aaron before but that’s never what he actually was to me. Captor. Abuser. Child predator. Those better describe him, but I’m not here to fight the losing battle of making him see the error of his ways. I just want to go home.

Aaron’s cold stare, filled with disdain and a specific brand of evil that I’m all too familiar with is unrelenting. “Your mistake is thinking I’d allow you to cut and run, doll. I’ve put in far too much work with you for that. I’ve given you finery that you never would have experienced otherwise, and you thought I wouldn’t hunt you down when you disappeared like a rat? You always have been exceedingly ungrateful for what I’ve done for you, but this is a new low, Easton.”

Done for me? What about donetome?

I have got to shut this anger off, it’s going to get me killed; I just know it.

I settle myself with a deep breath. “I am grateful. I know you’ve worked hard, and I’m not trying to make you think otherwise. However, I saw you get engaged to another man, Aaron. You got down on one knee, gave someone else a ring, and he said yes. Where do I fit into this equation? Be his brother-husband and you bounce in between places? Or were you planning on moving us into the same place to save some time on your commute?”

He sneers, put off by my newfound backbone, but there’s no way he doesn’t know on some level that this is ridiculous. “I’m done doing this back and forth with you. You know what will happen to your little boy toy if you leave, so please feel free to do so. I’d love nothing more. These are your options; fall back in line and behave or walk out that door right now and I’ll bury a bullet in that circus freak’s skull before you can make it to the highway.”

Knowing it was coming doesn’t cushion the impact of his words. My eyes burn with tears I can’t shed. But then he digs in the knife. “Don’t worry, doll. It’s not like anyone will be missing you. I left a note so they won’t waste time searching for you this time.”

The truth shines brightly in his eyes, smashing any hopes that he’s lying. This is it for me. Chase won’t look for me, and I can’t leave. There’s no way out.

~~~

Chase

It’s late by the time I make it back home, hands aching from the white knuckle grip I’ve had on the steering wheel since I got in my car. Try as I might to convince myself that I got the wrong idea, when I see Brady with his head in his hands on my front step, I just know. Easton is gone, gone.Not blowing off steam, not passed out asleep or caught up in his sketchbook. Just gone.

It’s fine. He’s free to leave, I was never holding him hostage. It was too much, too fast. That has to be it. I almost told him I love him. I thought he felt the same. The stress of Mom’s situation obviously pushed him past his limits and made him say something he regrets. We shouldn’t have labeled it, I could have just let it go when he said what he did. But I didn’t and now he’s gone.

Didn’t even wait so he could tell me to my face.

Did he think I’d try and force him to stay? Does he believe I’m the same as his ex?

Fuck, even the thought of that makes my stomach churn.

Brady looks at me pleadingly as I approach. “Are you mad at me?”

God, he’s perfected the kicked puppy look like no one else. Truthfully, I’m not. I’m mad at myself for not seeing that there was a problem and for fucking up with my once in a lifetime chance at forever. “No.”

He lets out a heavy breath. “Good, because I need you to hear me out.”

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