Page 86 of When I'm Gone

All the air whooshes out of my lungs in one rapid breath. The doctor keeps talking, but the roaring in my ears is deafening.She’s alive, she’s alive, she’s alive,I chant silently, trying to make it stick. The mountain of fear I kept a tight leash on all night long is buzzing uselessly through my veins with nowhere to go now.

She’s alive, but the baby isn’t. Parker seems to have the same thought. “The baby didn’t make it,” he points out wretchedly.

They were so excited, I tack on in my head. Mom had almost decided on the name. I’ve got to get out of this hospital. There’s only one person who would get it, and I need him. I mumble a quick apology to whoever can hear it and dart for the door, rationing each inhale to try and limit my exposure to the industrial disinfectant smell.

I’m useless, not a damn clue how Emerson and I found that courtyard so I head for the main entrance. Anything to get away from these fucking fluorescent lights.

My saving grace answers before the first ring finishes as I step outside and take a much-needed breath of car exhaust fumes. The relief that hits is dizzying. That’s when it hits me, not only am I helplessly in love with this guy, there’s no going back for me anymore. No dialing it back. He has to know, I’ll tell him the second I see his gorgeous face again. I don’t want to miss a moment of his face when I say it. “I’m so happy to hear your voice,” I say instead of what I really want to, but it’s true.

“I’m happy to hear yours too, Chase. Have you heard anything from the doctor yet? You guys have been waiting for ages.”

“Yeah.” Dropping my head between my shoulders, I close my eyes and picture him. It gives me the strength to get the bad news out first. “They couldn’t save the baby, but Mom pulled through.”

Easton makes a pained noise. “Oh, Chase…”

My throat constricts. “Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, love. Not that it does any good, but I really am. I wish they could have saved them both.”

My eyes burn behind my closed lids. “Yeah, me too.”

He takes a deep, fortifying breath over the line. “So, I assume you’re wallowing alone instead of being with your family?”

My sweet Chaos doesn’t pull punches with me anymore. A part of me is glad he’s getting more comfortable calling me out. Usually only Brady will do that. “You’re going to have no problems tomorrow with as smart as you are, my darling.”

He hums. “It’s kind of required to know your boyfriend, I never plan on using math again if I can help it.”

“Boyfriend, huh? Is that right?”

Easton chokes, presumably on nothing. The smile that creeps up on me feels almost foreign after hours of worrying. “Ignore me,” he forces out breathlessly.

“Never, sweetheart. Is that what we are? Because I’m very on board with that.”

I can practically hear his face flushing crimson. “I’ve been saying that in my head, but I didn’t mean for it to come out. I like it, though. I want that,” he admits.

He really can bring sunshine to the darkest moments of my life. It’s a heady feeling, the safety I’m consumed by with Easton.

“Boyfriends it is, then.”

One of the worst days of my life, and somehow he makes sure I still end it with a smile. How I ever got this lucky is beyond me, but there’s no way I’m not going to tell him how I feel about him the next time I see him. He deserves everything, and I want to be the person to give it to him.

CHAPTER 26

EASTON

Iwould love to say I’m well rested going into this exam, but after staying up all hours last night waiting to hear about Margeaux, well-fucked is the best we’re going to get. Chase is already back at the hospital with his mom, but made sure there was a text waiting on me this morning wishing me good luck and telling me he was confident I’d do well.

It’s throwing me off that Chase isn’t here for this when he’s been my biggest supporter during this whole process. Of course, he’s where he should be, and I wanted him to go be with his family, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t missing him something crazy right now. My leg bounces rapidly as I wait for Brady to come over. He should be here any minute. I’m being dramatic again.

Truthfully, I’ve felt off for a while now, probably just from nerves, but without Chase around, it gets worse fast. Which really pisses me off, if I’m being honest. My brain can’t hold it together long enough for him to have a family crisis without worrying about me spiraling again.

His mom could have died, for fuck’s sake. Her baby diddie. The least I can do is be a supportive boyfriend and be there for Chase. Even with all the crazy swirling around in my head, that word still makes my stomach swoop.

Chase Adler is my boyfriend.

I hide the cheesy grin tugging at my lips with my hand as heat rushes to my ears. Damn. If only I could go back and tell fourteen-year-old me that the dark-haired boy rooming with my brother that made my heart stutter is my boyfriend.

The front door bangs open, startling me from my thoughts and sending me about half a foot into the air.

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