Page 78 of When I'm Gone

The remainder, he uses to work inside me, and I’m too dumbfounded to move an inch. When his head taps my slickened hole, my body is still too relaxed from the orgasm to resist. Not that I would, but I’m so confused.

Chase slides home in one long thrust. “Goddamn,” I groan. He feels amazing inside me, so fucking deep.

“So tight,” he growls, teeth clenched so hard, I’m surprised he doesn’t crack one. My body feels like it went into overdrive. Everything is too much, I’m too sensitive. Fuck, I’m burning alive. “You’re going to be a good boy and come for me again, aren’t you, baby?”

His breath fans over my face, his eyes threaten to consume me. “I can’t,” I croak. “I’ve never?—”

“You can,” he interrupts. “Look at yourself, gorgeous. You’re so greedy for another one that you’re already taking it. I’m not the one moving.”

Well, low and fucking behold, he’s right. My hips are gently rocking against him, sending painful shockwaves to my over sensitive prostate. I’m still hard, too. It’s almost insulting how well he knows my body better than I do.

“Now, relax, and let me fuck it out of you.”

He starts slow, fucking me deep and giving me time to adjust. I allow myself to get lost in the unending depths of his eyes and simply enjoy. The smell of the grass and salt from our combined sweat fills my nose. Chase drops down to his forearms and intertwines our hands together by my head. My heels lock together on his ass, and we’re as connected as two people can be. Each of my exhales becomes his next breath.

He’s all I can see, hear, and feel, and it’s everything I was scared to hope for. More, honestly.

Chase speeds up, enough that the impossible orgasm he wanted out me is so close I can fucking taste it. I squeeze his hand so hard that the bones grind.

My thighs are on fire, burning with the tight grip I’ve got him locked in, but I’ll be damned if I let him go. The friction of his abs grating against my dick makes my nerve endings crackle and my balls draw up tight.

“I’m gonna—” The blunt end of my nails dig into the back of his hands as he hits that spot inside me just right. “Fuck. Chase. Right there.” He’s relentless as he draws my pleasure from my body, and when our lips meet in an almost-kiss out of pure need, I explode.

Warm cum jets from my slit and coats my chest and even up to my neck, going on and on until my vision goes wonky and my throat is raw from keeping a scream from coming out. Chase is seconds behind me, the feeling of his cock jerking and painting my insides with his release is unlike any other. I don’t know if I pull him down or if he collapses on top of me, but as we grow sticky, the mess drying between our spent bodies, I realize how euphoric trusting him enough to let go truly is.

The sweet nothings we share and lazy kisses we swap while we wait for our muscles to re-solidify make my heart perk up and pay attention. I wasn’t prepared for him, for this, but it doesn’t change that he’s the best thing to ever happen to me. Maybe, just maybe, I can keep him, be good enough for him. Maybe, we have a real chance.

CHAPTER 23

EASTON

Knowing that Chase is waiting for me as soon as this class is over is making time move at a snail’s pace. Correction, a dead snail’s pace. I’m aging at this damn desk. Made worse by the fact that we’re going over a test that I kicked ass on. It’s a bit surprising, given my struggles with numbers. But as it turns out, the more streamlined version of vague math goes over way better in my head than the advanced geometry that Mom forced me to take.

What’s also weird is how detached I’m becoming towards my shitty childhood. Sure, it sucked and I’m probably never going to be happy about that, but I’m less angry than I was. It’s gradual, but as my relationship with Brady improves, the less space my negative thoughts take up. Closure for me looks a lot like moving on, having my brother by my side, and letting myself be happy. I know it’s different for him, but I also haven’t been getting harassed nonstop by them for four years, so it makes sense.

Healing is a strange thing.

Part of that for me is also believing Chase’s family caresabout me. I’ve been more involved with them since Parker left, and it’s been so normal, it’s scary. But the videos from Sage make me want to keep trying until it’s less frightening. I’ve gotten one every day for the last week, she’s alarmingly good at taking videos of herself and sending them to who she wants them to go to. The one today was a recap of what she had for breakfast and that she wants me to come over to color with her again.

I watched it, like, ten times.

If I can really do this, be in a relationship with Chase, I could have a huge family. Like, for the rest of my life. No more looking around the table at Thanksgiving and seeing strangers that have the audacity to call themselves loving relatives. Instead, I can have them. A family that sees me, cares for me, doesn’t want me to hide so as not to offend them with my existence. I can laugh with them, belong with them. The transition has been almost alarming in how easy it is for them, like they were waiting on me, which is a ridiculous but strangely comforting thought.

There’s a small part of me that will always be sad for the fourteen-year-old Easton who was scared to leave his older brother’s side and knew without a shadow of a doubt he was going to burn in hell, but mainly, I just wish I could go back and tell him how much better things will get. Just give it time, not even ten years, and you’ll find where you’re meant to be. A place where your broken pieces aren’t an inconvenience, just a reason to love on you extra.

What a fucking turnaround.

Finally, our time is up, and it’s a monumental effort to not sprint out the doors. It’s drizzling outside, which used to bum me out, but it doesn’t seem as depressing anymore. I couldn’t be more obsessed with the nature around here, so now, it just reminds me that I’m not the only thing that needsa bit of rain to grow. Awareness tingles along the back of my neck as I navigate through the parking lot, looking for Chase. He must be able to see me, so he can’t be far.

I find him a few cars away, and rush that way. When the door opens, his dark head pops up as fast as a lightning bolt. “Hey, sweetheart,” he mumbles with a kiss after I get in. “You got out early. I was going to wait for you out front so you didn’t have to walk through the rain.”

Always so thoughtful. “It’s okay, I don’t mind the rain. It’s been kind of nice, actually.”

Chase’s eyebrows hit his hairline as he presses the back of his hand to my forehead. I laugh and bat it away. “Just gotta make sure you’re not sick or something. I’ve been half convinced this whole time that you’d melt in the rain.”

I try to glare at him, but it lasts all of a second before I’m laughing again. Being around him is so simple. I was kind of worried that I’d be ready to have some space with him working from home but even with being around him this much, I’m dreading when he has to go back. And not in the co-dependent way I’d feel when Aaron would leave me. I’m just going to miss him. Spending all this time with him is only cementing the feelings I tried so desperately to avoid for the longest time.

I may not be brave enough to talk to Chase about them yet, but being able to acknowledge it to myself is a step in the right direction. It’s not even that I’m stressed about how the conversation will go, he wouldn’t act like this with me if he didn’t have some sort of investment in me. But Chase and I have had nothing but hard conversations since I ran from Boston. Excruciatingly painful conversations that do not come easily to me, by any means. For now, I just want to enjoy nothing dark and ominous hanging over our heads for once. I’m managing better, I’m doing better. I’m so muchhappier and healthier than I was. I want to soak it up for a while.

---