Page 49 of When I'm Gone

CHAPTER 15

CHASE

Easton: Did you get him lemon cinnamon rolls?

Easton: My intrusive thoughts sent that.

Easton: Not me

Easton: Can we pretend you didn’t see that?

It’san effort not to burst out laughing as a flood of messages fill my screen. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting him to use the phone I left on the bed beside him before I came over to Brady’s this morning. If anything, maybe he’d ask when I’d be home. This is far better. Deep down, he can’t stop caring about Brady, even if he wants to.

My best friend’s birthday is today, which conveniently fell on a day our office was closed. Not that either of us remembered that until Marianne emailed a reminder yesterday, but I’m damn sure not complaining. So, now I’m building a deck at eight a.m. I’ve called my dad three times, not because he knows how to build a deck, but because that just seems like what you do when tasked with construction that is far out of your element.

Brady has YouTube tutorials playing on repeat and we’re still not much better off than we started. Easton’s a breath of much needed fresh air, even if it is through text.

Me: Not a chance, sweetheart.

Me: So lemon cinnamon rolls, huh?

The little bubbles appear and disappear, but his indecisiveness about divulging further information is endearing.

“Motherfucker!” Brady shouts as he turns off the saw and throws down his gloves.

“Not on your life,” I return. Now, if he’d said brother… Eh. Oh, well. He blows out a breath, exasperated. “What’s wrong, Bray? Don’t tell me it’s the deck. This isn’t our first project we were unprepared for and we always figure it out.”

It’s a gorgeous day in the Emerald City and Brady turns his face skyward, seeking sunshine, with closed eyes. “The deck is the least of my problems, Ace.”

Yeah, I’d fucking say, but I’d prefer to keep talking about the shitshow in front of us. Not all the other stuff we have to work out. We’re overdue for it, but I’m still not ready to hash things out.

“You sure you want to do this today? I’m fine pretending everything is normal and ruining your backyard. It’s your birthday.”

Brady loves birthdays. Mine, his, coworkers, casual acquaintances, doesn’t matter. Ruining his like this doesn’t feel right. Before he answers, my phone buzzes in my pocket, so I pull it out quickly to see what my Chaos has to say.

Easton: It’s dumb. Our mom baked a lot, so we’d get our favorite flavor of cinnamon rolls as a special treat on our birthday. Mine was always orange but Brady’s is lemon. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I don’t even know why I asked.

Me: It’s not dumb and I’m glad you told me. I’ll seeabout getting some or making them when we give up this hopeless endeavor, maybe.

Easton: Hurry on the giving up part

Easton: It’s lonely around here

Brady sighs, so after typing out a quick, “I’ll do my best” to Easton, I drop my phone in my pocket and give him my full attention. If we’re doing this, we might as well do it properly. My best friend has seen better days, it doesn’t look like he got an ounce of sleep last night. Whatever him and Easton argued about yesterday is wearing on him. I hate this. Being in between them, not feeling like I’m giving either person my best effort.

“Of course, I don’t want to do this today, Chase. But I can’t keep it bottled up either. I’m losing it over here.”

Well, that makes two of us. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I wouldn’t take anything he says personally right now. Not that I’m some kind of expert on your brother, but it really seems like he’s lashing out at you because it makes the stuff he’s dealing with easier.”

Brady laughs, a far cry away from the boisterous, rowdy one I’m used to. This one is pained. “Yeah, right. He fucking hates me and he should. Maybe that’s the point of him coming back.”

“What does that mean?” I ask, tossing my hammer onto a pile of discarded scraps on the ground.

“You know, like a penance. Because of how I let him down, now I have to stand by while he can’t stand to be in the same room as me and have him live so close, but we’re further apart than we ever have been.”

That fucking hurts, but I refuse to believe it. They can overcome this. Easton is hurt and needs to blame someone, his brother is as good of a fall person as anyone. There has to be someone at fault for the atrocious things that happened to him. Brady was his safe person for a long time, so even if it’sburied deep down, he knows that when he’s ready; the forgiveness is automatic.

It’s getting them there that’s going to be a pain in the ass.

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