Page 42 of When I'm Gone

“When you disappeared, we had no idea if we’d ever be able to find you.” Margeaux comes over to sit by me as she explains, and takes my hand. The gesture is appreciated, butit’s not Chase. “We stayed as optimistic as we could, so every year, we bought birthday and Christmas presents for you in case you showed up. Chase went upstairs to grab ‘em.”

My hands are shaking. Suddenly, I’m wondering if it’s possible for all of them to have been lied to. What fucking elaborate story did my brother weave to these wonderful people? I didn’t disappear; I was thrown out. I’ve never been this furious. The audacity it takes to turn your back on your only brother and then make yourself out to be some kind of victim about it. Chase’s familiar weight settles on my other side before he sets a box at my feet. It’s sealed, so there’s no seeing what’s inside it, but solving that mystery is going to have to wait.

“Call him,” I growl.

Chase is understandably confused. “Who?”

It’s time to fucking settle this. “My brother.”

He doesn’t question me, which I’m grateful for, just dials and passes me the phone. I put it on speakerphone before the call can have the chance to connect. It only rings twice before Brady’s deep voice fills the line.

“Did someone die? Since when do you call people?”

All the resentment and pain I’ve been holding on to for the last four years comes pouring out. “Tell them, you fucking asshole. Tell them I never disappeared. You knew exactly where I was and you left me there. I saw the messages, Brady. As soon as Dad slammed the door behind me, you were an only child. You disowned me! You picked your side, Brady, and it was never me. How could you? How do you sleep at night lying to these people about why you haven’t heard so much as a peep from me?”

I’m panting by the time it’s all out of me. Brady is silent for all of three marvelous seconds as our spectators absorb the truth about the person they thought was one of their own. I was expecting him to yell, scream, call me all kinds ofnames, but he’s so calm as he speaks. “Eas, I don’t have the slightest clue what you’re talking about. You did disappear. We looked everywhere for you. We searched for days, dude. Chase and I slept in my truck. Mom took your phone, so we had no idea how to get ahold of you. I checked with Aunt Tammy, some kids from your school. No one on the face of the earth knew a damn thing. It’s been like that for years. I didn’t know what happened, I didn’t even know if you were alive.”

“No, you’re lying,” I croak. “Aaron showed me the Instagram messages. He told you that I was okay, and that I wanted to see you. You told him you didn’t have a brother, you said I was dead to you the second you found out I was a—you said I was—” I can’t even get it out, he was so fucking hateful.

Distantly, I’m aware that Adam and Margeaux left, and Chase is left in stunned silence, but it’s all so far away. I’m being drug down into the spiral that his words sent me into when I was sixteen. Scared to death, never been so alone in my life. All I wanted was to see my brother, hear him say he still loved me. Then he turned his back on me. After that, all I had in the world was Aaron. In fact, it was less than a week after he showed me Brady’s vitriol that we moved in together.

He takes a deep breath. “You there, Ace?”

Chase’s voice is hoarse. “Yeah, bud.”

“Easton, I have no idea how we got our wires so crossed about what happened, but if you don’t believe me; ask Chase. Hell, ask anyone in that house how hard I tried to find you. Please, kid. Just come home and talk to me. We can hash it all out. You can call me some more names if it will make you feel better, as long as you just talk to me. Please, Eas.”

There’s desperation in his request, the potent kind that makes you willing to put it all on the line. It doesn’t makesense. He should be scrambling to cover his ass, doing anything to keep everyone from finding out the truth. But instead, he’s pleading with me to hear him out. It’s embarrassing that after all this, I still have a soft spot for him. The tiniest thread that keeps us tied together through, even through all the bitterness I’ve been holding on to. It must be what has my mouth moving without my permission.

“Fine.”

Brady sounds so relieved. “Thank you. Really. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Not that he can hear it, but I nod nonetheless. Seeing him is possibly the worst idea, given my mental state. At least it can’t get much worse, I guess. Chase takes his phone back and says goodbye to Brady, since I seem to be unable to form words anymore. The anger towards my brother is all I have left. My parents were no surprise, they always talked to me differently than their golden child. But I’ve held on to this betrayal for so long, I don’t know who I am without it. If this has a reasonable explanation, I’m not sure I can handle it. Moving forward seems impossible.

My eyes are burning from the exhaustion, or maybe the emotional exertion. Fuck, maybe both.

I can’t do this. I don’t even want to anymore. Each breath I take burns. My nerve endings feel like I walked through a five-alarm fire. Leaving was supposed to fix it, I was being cheated on, so when I got away, surely, I’d stop fucking feeling like this. The wounds are supposed to heal. My skin may not be littered with bruises anymore, but I sure don’t feel any better.

What is even the point if I’m worse off now than when I was being thrown around by the man I loved? How was that not my rock bottom? Maybe I should have stayed and confronted him about what I saw in the park. Sat there passively while he went off the handle. It would have beenmy fault—either for seeing it or that he was cheating to begin with. He would have gotten so fucking mad; his face would have turned crimson, the vein on his forehead would have been about to burst.

He might have finally gone too far and killed me.

CHAPTER 13

CHASE

Okay, so maybe I was on to something when I told Brady to wait until Easton was ready to come to him, because my parents forcing his hand did not go well. I was hopeful that maybe it would perk him up a little with the day he’s having. Finding out that Brady tried to find him would be good news, I would assume.

Well, it turns out my mother was right about assuming because a light flickered out and died behind Easton’s eyes during that phone call. It needs to come back on because he is lost without it. Sitting there, looking so lost and alone, he’s breaking my heart. I’m not dumb, I’ve caught him checking me out enough times with so much heat in his gaze that his interest was unmistakable. And mine, well, that has never been up for debate. Easton is beautiful and I’m drawn to him in a way I can’t even begin to understand.

Maybe that’s what has me acting impulsively and sliding my arm around his waist, hoisting him up into my lap. He lets out a little squeak of surprise, but makes no move to get off. “What are you doing?” he whispers.

I don’t have a good answer for that, really. “Just tryingsomething.” My voice is huskier than I was expecting. With him this close, rational thought is out the window. All that is left is want, all-consuming and dizzying want.

His breath is coming out in shallow pants, practically begging for my lips to press against his. My hands find his hips, the contact making him gasp. I lean forward until there's not an inch of space between us. Easton’s eyes close. Then I freeze.

No more than three seconds could have passed before a whine climbs its way out of his throat, causing me to chuckle. “Come on, sweetheart. I can’t do this for you, you have to want it badly enough.”

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