Page 27 of Gratification in Gluttony

“Shit.” Toni quietly crawled out of the bed as he clicked the green button to answer Jude’s call so the ringing would stop. Gem grunted and turned over but didn’t wake as Toni tiptoed toward the door. He waited until he was slipping out of his bedroom before he brought the phone to his ear and whispered, “Hello?”

“Is your mom okay?” Jude demanded. “Areyou? What happened? Why are you whispering?”

“Gem’s asleep, and I don’t want to wake him. He’s kind of a bitch if that happens,” Toni said in answer as he clicked the bedroom door shut behind him. “And yes, I understand that Gem and I sleeping in each other’s beds does little to support the whole we-aren’t-fucking vibe that we’re going for.”

Jude snorted. “Platonic sleepovers are a thing, you know? But don’t change the subject. What happened to your mom? Is she okay?”

Heading to the kitchen, Toni raised his voice from a whisper to a murmur. “Yeah, she’s fine. I mean, I thought she was dying because my sister was very dramatic about the whole thing, but turned out, it was just a botched boob job. Nothing life threatening.”

Jude laughed, throaty and wonderful, and it made Toni smile. “Sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh, but a botched boob job?”

“No, by all means, laugh. It’s the only logical response. I nearly had a heart attack, thinking my mother was on her deathbed. Then I find her sipping mimosas as she complains about her left breast being off-center. It was very scarring, if I’m being honest.

“And if you haven’t noticed, I tend to use humor to deflect from unpleasant emotions,” he added, bringing another chuckle from Jude. “So, please, laugh about it with me so I don’t have to cry.”

“Wow, I’m so sorry you went through that. It sounds like quite the ordeal,” Jude said, voice heavy with amusement.

“It was! There is something very wrong about a son discussing his mother’s breasts with her, you know?”

As Toni poured himself a glass of water, Jude asked, “You and your mom are close, huh?”

It was an innocent question, but it robbed Toni of his humor. “Oh, uh, I mean, not really. Maybe when I was younger, but the last few years have been… It’s complicated.”

“Oh.” Fabric rustled on the other end of the line, like Jude was shifting positions. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s cool. Don’t worry about it.” Toni took a drink to wet his parched throat. “That’s just life sometimes, right?”

“Yeah,” Jude said softly. “I haven’t talked to my parents since I was eighteen. So, I get it.”

Leaning his ass on the counter, Toni rubbed his thumb through the condensation collecting on the side of his glass. “Was it your choice? Not to talk to them, I mean.”

“Yes and no. When I turned eighteen, I told them I was going to transition, and they kicked me out. Apparently, only their daughter was welcome in their home.” Jude’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I tried a few times over the years to reconnect, but it never ended well. It hurt worse than their silence, so I stopped reaching out.”

“That’s fucked up. I’m sorry.”

“Me too. But I had to protect myself, you know?”

“Yeah, I hear that.”

“Yeah?” Jude asked.

Toni set his glass down and scrubbed a hand over his face. “It ain’t the same, but yeah. I wasn’t the son my father wanted me to be, and it wasn’t for lack of trying, I’ll tell you that. But I got so tired of pretending, of being someone I wasn’t. I couldn’t do it no more.

“He, uh, didn’t take kindly to that.” Toni traced his jagged teeth with his tongue. “So, I figured, maybe it would be better for everyone if I just didn’t come around no more.”

A humorless chuckle rose up his throat but died halfway out of his mouth. A heavy but comfortable silence followed, settling between them as they shared breath through the phone connection. It made him fidget, but he didn’t break it.

“I’m sorry, Toni,” Jude eventually said, gentle as a whisper. “You should never have had to be someone else to earn your father’s acceptance.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Toni nodded. “It took a lot of therapy, but I know that now. And it is better this way. Maybe not all the time, but…”

“It’s still better,” Jude said when Toni trailed off, and Toni nodded, humming in agreement when he remembered Jude couldn’t see him. After an extra beat, Jude asked, “And you’re happy, right?”

“That’s a broad question.”

Toni heard the smile in Jude’s voice as he said, “With who you are now. With the life you’ve built. Are you happy?”

It took Toni several long seconds to answer, but he was honest when he finally managed to croak out, “Yeah, I’m happy.”

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