Page 92 of Gratification in Gluttony

Sitting up, Toni frowned as Jude hurriedly wiped his chest clean with his shirt before he grabbed a new one from his dresser and tugged it on. “What’s wrong?” Toni asked.

“Shh, he’ll hear you,” Jude said as he tugged his sweats back on.

“So?” Toni asked, genuinely confused. “Is that such a bad thing?”

“Jude?” Oliver said, footsteps approaching.

“Yeah,” Jude called back as he ran his hand through his hair to tame the crazed curls. “I’m coming out. Just give me a second.”

“Stop jerking off, I have important things to tell you,” Oliver sing-songed.

“Fuck you,” Jude grumbled, and Oliver laughed before he retreated back to the living room.

Facing Toni, Jude looked torn for a moment, before he put a finger to his lips and whispered, “Be quiet. I’ll be right back.”

“What?” Toni said, and Jude waved at him aggressively.

“Shh, just wait here. I’ll come back soon, and we can… figure something out.”

“Jude,” Toni said, but the human was already slipping out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Naked and suddenly cold, Toni shifted awkwardly on the bed where he’d had Jude’s dick in his ass less than fifteen minutes ago. He was at a loss for words, which for him was kind of a big deal. Had Jude seriously just left him here?

“You deserve more than being someone’s dirty, little secret,”Gem had said, and it had cut because it was putting words to the fears Toni had been ignoring. But this was the confirmation, wasn’t it? Jude was ashamed of him. On some level, he wanted to keep Toni a secret from Oliver—from everyone, maybe.

And that fucking hurt.

Toni sat with it for a while, barely listening to the buzz of Jude and Oliver’s conversation. He’d lived most of his life knowing that his family was, to some extent or another, ashamed of him. His father had loathed the softness in him and tried to make him hard and rough. His mother had been embarrassed when Toni came out at thirteen, bringing a boy from his class home to meet her—

“Not in front of the neighbors, Toni! What are you thinking?”

—And his sisters had simply followed suit. It was always,“You cry more than we do.”And,“Are you stupid or something?”And,“Oh, just ignore him, he’s practically one of the girls anyway.”

Rubbing at his chest over his now aching heart, Toni took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He didn’t know why Jude wanted to hide him away, and maybe one day, Toni would be ready to hear his reasoning. But everything was too raw right now. They’d just shared something Toni hadn’t even begun to process, and—fuck, he was still wearing the makeup, wasn’t he?

His fight with Gem was feeling more and more like his fault, and everything was bare and sensitive. Suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe, Toni quietly crawled off the bed and grabbed his clothes. Using the same shirt Jude had, he cleaned up as best he could before tugging on his underwear, then his jeans.

When he was fully dressed, he spotted the pile of makeup items on the dresser and searched through them for a bottle of remover. It was there, along with some facial tissues, and using the compact mirror, Toni cleaned the eyeshadow off. He couldn’t get the liner and mascara off completely, but it would do.

He stared down at his sparkly nails, and the idea of removing the color made him catch his breath on a dry sob. So he fisted his hands and went for the door. Part of him wanted to charge out there, regardless of whether Oliver would see him or not. But he couldn’t do that to Jude; it wouldn’t be fair, not when Toni didn’t understand Jude’s hesitance.

So he stood at the door and waited, hand on the knob, for an opportunity to get the fuck out of there. There were some things he could live with, but being abandoned in Jude’s room, told to hide away while Jude did fuck-all with Oliver, wasn’t one of them.

It took ten minutes, but eventually, Oliver said, “I have to use the bathroom, but there’s still more. Liel’s gonna meet my parents, I think. Isn’t that insane?”

“Wow,” Jude said. “Oliver, that’s huge.”

“I know. But seriously, my bladder’s about to explode. Give me two minutes.”

Toni tightened his grip on the doorknob, and the second he heard the bathroom latch click, he opened Jude’s door and headed for the exit. Jude was on his way to Toni, apparently, and he widened his eyes in alarm as Toni strode passed him.

“What are you doing?” he whispered.

“I can’t stay in your room,” Toni said, keeping his tone calm. “I ain’t doing that.”

“Toni, wait,” Jude said, grabbing his arm.

Toni shook him off easily. “I don’t get what’s going on here. You don’t wanna tell Ollie about me? Okay, that’s your choice. But I get my own choices too. And I ain’t sitting in your room, hiding away like I’m something you’re ashamed of.”

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