Page 100 of Gratification in Gluttony

“Alright,” Quin said sharply, getting everyone’s attention as she pointed to the open space in front of the bakery case. “Form a circle, and everyone hold hands.”

With a parting wink at Jude, Toni grabbed his backpack full of clothes for the weekend and joined the circle. At Quin’s prompting, everyone clasped hands, even Zef, though they hesitated slightly before slipping their dry palm against Toni’s. Toni curled his fingers around their hand, and it twitched but held firm.

He’d teleported with Quin once or twice in the past, and he’d never enjoyed it. It was a rather uncomfortable feeling, like a Sypent circling him and squeezing until he almost couldn’t breathe. But the moment before his lungs protested, the tightness faded, and Toni wasn’t in Purgatory no more.

They stood in the middle of a strange living room full of old-looking furniture covered in floral upholstery. It smelled weird, and Toni’s ears rang with an array of unfamiliar sounds. Then someone screamed, and a creature nailed to the wall turned its head toward them and started singing, and pandemonium exploded around him.

When the chaos finally settled, after much shouting and dramatic wailing—mostly from Gem—Oliver managed to calm down his parents before his dad got trigger-happy, and introductions were made. They were invited to choose their rooms and get unpacked, and Gem excitedly claimed the “cow room” for himself and Toni.

As Gem unpacked his overflowing bag of clothes, a knock sounded at the partially open door, and Jude peeked inside, giving Toni a small smile as he said, “Hey, do you, uh, have a minute?”

“I have lots of minutes,” Toni said, waving him inside.

“That’s my cue to leave, right?” Gem said, sounding rather disappointed that he couldn’t stay and watch. Kicking his bag out of the way, Gem made to leave the room. He paused beside Jude and cocked his head, studying the human. “If this conversation goes well, then I’d really like to hang out more and get to know you.”

Jude blinked, a slight flush coloring his cheeks. “Uh, yeah, me too.”

Gem nodded. “Cool. Though if it doesn’t go well, be prepared for me to hate you for all eternity.”

“Sounds fair,” Jude said, and Gem beamed at him.

“Awesome, though I’m hoping for the former.”

“Me too,” Jude said, his cheeks darkening further.

With several supportive thumbs-up at Toni, Gem left the room, swinging the door mostly shut. Jude watched him leave, inhaling deeply as he faced Toni once more. He fidgeted with the hem of his pumpkin shirt, shifting his weight from foot to foot. It wasn’t until Toni patted the bed beside him that Jude moved.

He sat down beside Toni, leaving a few inches between them. He chewed his bottom lip until Toni worried he’d break skin. It took almost a full minute for him to speak, but Toni waited, giving him time.

Finally, he turned to Toni and lifted those ochre eyes to his. “There’s a lot I want to tell you, and not all of it is easy for me. Well, most of it isn’t easy. I don’t… open up to people a lot. It’s hard for me to say how I feel, but I’m working on it.”

He looked down at his hands, and Toni wished he could make this easier. He wanted to reach out and take Jude’s hand incomfort, but he didn’t know if Jude wanted that. So he stayed silent and still and waited.

“First off, I need to apologize to you,” Jude said, swallowing thickly. “That night, when Oliver came home and I told you to stay in my room, that was shitty, and you were right to leave. It was wrong and cruel of me to have treated you like that, and I hurt you. And I’m really sorry.”

“Jude—” Toni started, but Jude held up a hand, setting his jaw.

“I need you to know that I’m not ashamed of you, Toni. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and if anything, you should be ashamed of me. Of how I acted and how I treated you.”

His eyes glossed over, and Toni’s heart twisted. He couldn’t stop himself from touching him, from cupping Jude’s face in one hand and rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

“Baby—”

“But you had every right to feel what you felt,” Jude pressed on, blanketing Toni’s hand to keep it pressed to his cheek. “I wasn’t ashamed, but my actions clearly communicated that I was. I’m sorry for that too. I’m also sorry I sent a lot of mixed signals. I said friends, but then clearly didn’t stick to that.”

“I didn’t give you much of a chance,” Toni said with a sheepish smile, and Jude scoffed.

“But still, you’ve been open from the start about how you felt and I wasn’t. I didn’t mean to play with your feelings, but that was still the result. Which is super shitty, and I’m sorry for that as well.”

The ache in Toni’s chest eased some with that, and he lowered his head until their foreheads met. “Thank you, Jude. You have to know I forgive you, and I ain’t mad. You told me straight-up that we couldn’t be more than, I dunno, friends with benefits or whatever it was we were doing, and I didn’t listen. I thought I could change your mind, but I shouldn’t have tried.”

Jude shook his head, blinking rapidly. “You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve been nothing but understanding and patient and—you’re just wonderful, okay? And that scares the shit out of me.

“You called me brave, and maybe I am with some things. But I’ve never been brave with my heart. And then there you were, and you put yourself out there like it was nothing. Like, how do you even live like that?”

“How else am I supposed to live? Worrying about all the things I can’t control? Sounds like a pain in the ass to me,” Toni said, and Jude made a noise of disbelief. “I just say what I feel because life’s too short not to. I ain’t naive; I know shit doesn’t work out sometimes, but if I never take the chance, then I already know the ending.”

“Exactly,” Jude said. “Knowing the ending is safe.”

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