Page 49 of Symphony of Salvation

“So you’d like me to get personal now?”

“No, I’d… I mean… It’s awkward. This.” I swung a finger between us.

“Only because you made it awkward.”

“I know. I don’t want…” I mimicked his actions, toying with the lemon curl on my glass. “I apologize. It was not my intent to cause friction.”

Niles dropped the peel into his glass and sipped. “What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you’re willing to share. Tell me about your family. Do you have siblings? Where did you go to school?”

Niles huffed humorlessly. “Sure. Why not? Let’s get personal. My dad, Jeffrey Edwidge, is the head of the cardiac department at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto. My mother is Elizabeth Edwidge from Edwidge and Blaney LLP, three decades of family law. I have two older brothers, Mason and Andrew, and an older sister, Presley.”

“You’re the baby?”

“Yep, and the only one who wasted their potential by studying music instead of attending med school or law school as was expected. My siblings are all doctors or lawyers of one kind or another. I’m the only one in the family without a PhD. A disgrace. Oh, and I’m gay, which is the reason I haven’t settled down and gotten married. Just ask my mother. She’ll tell you. You see, if I was straight, I would be happily wed with a house full of children. But no. Bah, bah, black sheep.” He sardonically pointed at himself. “That’s me.

“I can’t be in my parents’ presence for five minutes without them insinuating how disappointed they are ineveryaspect of my life, but don’t you worry. They’re not homophobic. So, there you have it. That about sums up all there is to Niles Edwidge.”

He held up his glass in a cheers motion, seemed to remember my previous take on the act, huffed again, and took a long drink instead.

“Happy?” he asked, lowering the glass and swiping a hand over his damp lips. “You’re far superior in every way,Maestro. I can’t compete.”

“I didn’t know we were in competition.”

Niles’s expression changed, features softening to despair. He lowered his head. “I’m sorry. That was spiteful and rude anduncalled for on every level. I’m jealous, is all. You’re ten times the musician I will ever be, and I can’t help feeling like I missed an opportunity because my family didn’t support me. When Dr. McCaine told me you were to be a guest teacher, I was convinced she was looking to replace me.”

“I don’t want your job, Niles.”

“I know. Ignore me. I tell Koa not to be maudlin, but here I am, doing the same.”

We drank the rest of our cocktails in silence. His words poked an infected wound I’d spent a lifetime trying to ignore, but I couldn’t find words to explain, nor did I think Niles wanted to hear it. He’d fabricated an image of my life, what he considered must have been a perfect childhood. I could shatter the illusion or let it go.

I let it go.

When the server appeared and asked if we wanted more to drink, Niles and I stared at one another, neither committing to another round. Alcohol weakened my control, and already, I didn’t want to leave. Any more, and I would require an Uber to take me home.

“One more round,” Niles said when the server shifted her weight, seeming uncomfortable.

The look in his eyes was both resentful and mournful, a combination that shouldn’t have been possible, but I saw it plain. He couldn’t figure me out. Fair enough. I couldn’t figure myself out and feared looking too closely at the man I truly was deep down.

Niles’s bun had loosened. Flyaways escaped and brushed his shoulders in abundance. I wanted to tear the elastic out and let his hair tumble free. Run my fingers through it. Feel the rasp of his beard under my palms. Explore the contours of his lips with…

Niles held up three fingers.

I frowned.

“Three times.”

“What?”

“You’ve gotten lost on my mouth three times tonight, but go ahead and tell me I’m wrong.”

The server appeared with our drinks.

The jazz band came to life on stage.

I had no defense. What could I say? When I didn’t respond, Niles turned toward the musicians, leaving me to absorb the comment and all it implied.

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