Page 117 of Symphony of Salvation

A pained expression filled his eyes. “In time.”

“In time? What does that mean? A month? Three? A year?”

“It means…” He swiped a hand over his mouth. “It means I can’t give you a date because I don’t have one, and I can’t explain better, so please don’t ask me to.”

“What about your daughter?”

“Constance will be happy here. She’s made friends. I think she likes it more than she expected.”

“But she needs you, August.”

“She doesn’t. She never has. Once she’s settled in a dorm room, she’ll barely think of me.”

He was wrong. His misunderstanding of teenagers remained no matter how many times I explained it. He couldn’t see beyond the indignant attitude and anger to the broken girl underneath. But I selfishly didn’t argue. What he did with Constance was his choice. It wasmyheart he wrung through a blender,myemotions threatening to snap. Did he care?

All I heard was,I love you, but I’m leaving.

I paced, sick from distress, but before I could untangle the knot of confusion, August pulled me into his arms and kissed the protests away. The intensity of his affection confused my muddled brain. I wanted to scream, but I drew him closer, desperate not to lose this connection, fearing he’d walk out the door in the next instance and I’d never see him again.

“You can’t go,” I said into the kiss.

“I have to.”

“You don’t. Stay here… with me.”

“Niles.” Anguish bled through his tone.

Not for the first time, I experienced a hopeless urge to cling to someone who couldn’t give me what I needed. Love had always caused pain. Where was the blissful romance portrayed in love stories? Was I destined to drown every time I fell for someone? Risking my heart had done nothing but expose it to constant injury.

Would I ever learn?

But god help me, I couldn’t pull away. I couldn’t shut August out or turn off my heart. I wanted all he wasn’t offering and more.

“I’ll come back. I swear it.”

But his promises felt paper thin.

He spread a hand over my lower back, drawing me against him. The other worked loose the tie holding my hair. Long strands fell over my shoulders, and he sighed against my mouth. “I want to make love to you. I need you to trust me, Niles.”

“You’ve told me nothing.”

Trust was a finicky thing in my world. I’d been let down more times than I could count, and August’s cryptic plans for a hazy future didn’t evoke confidence.

“What is so important in Chicago?”

“Please. I’ll tell you, but not now.”

Fools in love didn’t care about logistics, and wasn’t I the fool, hanging on when I should be letting go. Trusting when I shouldn’t.

I followed August to the bedroom, where he lay me down and worshiped every inch of my body like I was a priceless artifact. I had so many questions, but they floated out of reach. Hunger, desperation, and pleasure constantly pushed them away.

August claimed to love me, and I wanted his love. I wanted it to consume me, even for one night.

“I love you,” I whispered like a prayer. I wished they were enough to still his wandering heart.

“And I you, Niles. More than you know.”

Naked, he pinned me to the bed, arms above my head, hovering over me as he destroyed my sense of reason with his mouth alone.

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