Page 127 of Symphony of Salvation

He reached for his tie, thought better of it, tore it off completely and tossed it aside before settling with his elbows on his knees, fingers linked, focusing on the floor. “I discovered that on the big stage, under the spotlights, and in front of audiences numbered in the hundreds, I’m a lonely man. People idolize me, but they don’t know who I am outside my name and status. Heck, until recently, I didn’t know who I was either. I present different versions of myself to the world to fit an expectation, but I was never authentically me, and I didn’t realize how damaging such a thing could be to one’s psyche.

“Creative minds tend to come up with creative scenarios for what they perceive will be the outcome of particular situations. In doing so, I’ve made those outcomes scarier in my head. Reality has proven to be quite anticlimactic.”

“You’ve lost me.”

August glanced up from under a wary brow, meeting my gaze. “I told my musical director I was moving to Peterborough because I’d met someone while seeing to my daughter’s educational needs. Returning to Chicago about tore me in half. I told him that too. When he asked who she was, intrigued at the prospect that his first chair flutist, a man who’d sworn off relationships, was looking to settle down, I told himhewas the music teacher at Timber Creek Academy, and I’d fallen in love.”

I absorbed the words, stunned silent for half a beat. “You came out to him?”

A slight nod. “To my entire ensemble. My parents too. Or rather, I confirmed my bisexuality had not gone away by ignoring it. They showed less enthusiasm for the announcement, as I presumed they might, but they know how to find me when it sinks in and they want to chat again. Plus, I’m the sole caregiver of their granddaughter, and they love Constance dearly. They’ll get over it.”

“And you’re moving here?”

“Yes.”

“To Peterborough?”

“When I find a place. Dr. McCaine may not be pleased I declined her offer, but she assured me the cottage was mine until I was ready to move.”

Instinctively, my overly sentimental heart wanted to extend an invitation for August to move in with me, but the impulsivity caught up with me in time, and I held my tongue. “Take your time looking,” I said instead.

“I will.”

“I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too.”

The air grew thick with longing. It was there in his dark eyes. He wanted me to go to him, and I desperately wanted to step into his arms and forget the past two months.

“Will you stay the night?” His quiet words held hesitance. “I understand if you don’t want to.”

“Tell me you love me.”

August stood and approached. He took my hand. “I love you, Niles. Truly.”

“Tell me you aren’t going to leave again.”

He tipped his forehead against mine. “Never. Do you believe me?”

“Yes.”

“Will you stay?”

“Yes.” His mouth landed on mine, and the night evaporated into a culmination of longing and lust and love.

Chapter thirty

August

“Stop touching your tie.” Niles smacked my hand when I moved to adjust it yet again. “It’s straight, and you keep messing it up.”

“Are you sure I look okay?” I smoothed a hand over the lapel of my suit jacket. Niles hadn’t questioned my need to gussy up, but he had wondered aloud if he wasn’t dressed well enough.

I’d played the role of beguiler all evening, inviting Niles and Constance to believe we were attending a show at Roy Thompson Hall. We were, in essence, but not in the vein they expected.

I wasn’t supposed to be in the lobby, mingling with showgoers. I was supposed to be hiding backstage with my ensemble, preparing for the special performance I’d spent the past two months organizing. The pressure of such an insane deadline almost killed me, but my need to get back to Niles and Constance kept me pushing forward.

Getting them inside the hall without seeing the brightly lit marquee advertisingGuest Conductor Augustus Castellanosdebuting A Night of Salvationhad taken more skill than was necessary.

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