Page 63 of Power of the Mind

“I’ll tell you when we get there. My case, my rules, Guns. You said so.”

Diem grumbled. “I don’t know where that is.”

“Near York Cemetery. I’ll direct you.”

Without another word of protest, Diem turned the Jeep around, and we were off.

15

Diem

Isaw no gain in pointlessly running around the city, but the thought of returning to the office where I risked being alone with Tallus was unsettling. I had no idea how to proceed or what the expectation was at this point, and I’d made myself sick with worry.

What if he kissed me again?

What if he didn’t?

What if he insisted on a conversation? A relationship? A more detailed explanation of my failures?

What if the whole thing had been nothing more than a realistic dream?

Every time I closed my eyes, the memory of Tallus’s mouth returned. I tasted the silky glide of his tongue teasing my lips, seeking entry. I felt his warm hands on my face, keeping me in place. The solid line of his body invaded my bubble. Standing close. Wanting more.

Then, my world shattered into a billion irretrievable pieces because, to save my life, I couldn’t figure out how to take it further. Even in a fantasy, I was hopeless. Even when it wasn’t real, all I could offer was a disappointing exchange. How fucking pathetic. I couldn’t figure out where to put my hands or how to make the motions to return the kiss. Worse, I couldn’t find the words to tell Tallus how badly I wanted him, how much I didn’t deserve him, and how stupid he was for pursuing anything with me.

You’re a waste of space. Good-for-nothing, useless piece of shit.

Yeah, I know, Dad. Thanks.

No. I would drive around the city all fucking night, jump through imaginary hoops, and chase nonexistent leads if it meant not being alone in my apartment with him, where he would inevitably shine a spotlight on all my faults and back me into a corner.

Or he would go home.

Was that worse or better? I didn’t know anymore.

The bare-bones truth remained. If I couldn’t sort my shit out soon, Tallus would give up and walk away for good. And I really wanted to sort my shit out because never seeing him again would kill me.

Fucking therapy was proving to be useless.

What I needed was a manual. A step-by-step guide. TheDating for Dummieshandbook.

Who was I kidding? Even then, I’d fail.

I growled under my breath, but Tallus didn’t comment. Thank god.

The sky was a nocturnal bruise when I reached the general vicinity of where Tallus had asked me to drive. Beecroft Road was long and likely busier during the daytime. At that later hour, pedestrian and road traffic had decreased. I pulled into anavailable street parking spot across from the York Cemetery and killed the engine.

Tallus scanned our surroundings, clucking his tongue. I still didn’t know why we were there, and he didn’t seem eager to explain.

Without a word, he hopped out and aimed for a ticket machine a few feet down the road. He dug his wallet from a pocket and purchased a parking permit. Returning to the Jeep, he handed it to me through the open passenger door.

“Put it on the dash, and let’s take an evening stroll, shall we?”

I did as he asked and got out, noting the nearby buildings. When the sparse traffic cleared, we crossed the street. On the other side, Tallus checked his phone. “This way.”

“What are we doing?” I jittered with anxiety and had been fighting a nasty craving for a drink or cigarette since visiting Winifred. Tallus and his antics had stressed me out so much my nicotine cravings were back in full force. Great. Wonderful. I hated the perpetual itch under my skin that I couldn’t scratch. I hated fighting my genetics day in and day out.

Tallus pocketed his phone and hit me with the knee-weakening, sultry smirk, the one I found hard to resist. “I did some detective work at Allan’s house. Aren’t you proud of me?”

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