Tallus shoved away from the Jeep and moved to stand in front of me. Despite me being a head taller, Tallus’s personality dwarfed mine. I felt inadequate and inferior.
Without pause, he shoved the godforsaken wool jacket down my arms, peeling it off my sweat-soaked body. There was no breeze, but the cooler air penetrated my cotton shirt, which was blissful.
Tallus hung the jacket over his arm and took my chin, angling my face so I couldn’t look away. He spoke slowly. “Do you want me to come upstairs? Yes or no?”
A stone sat in my gut. Another clogged my throat. I spoke around it, croaking shamefully, “I’m too sober.”
“Too sober for company or fucking?”
I opened my mouth, then shut it again, unsure of the answer.
“You’ve done this sober with me before. What’s the problem? Why is it so hard?”
“You don’t want this. With me. Not really. I don’t know why you’ve… You’re messing with my head, Tallus. I can’t…”
He tightened his grip, and I stopped trying to talk.
“All those times you’ve come to my house, have I ever turned you away?”
The damn lump persisted. “No, but—”
“No buts. Invite me up, D. It’s okay to ask for something you want.”
The heat. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I might pass out. “I can’t—”
He pressed a finger to my lips. “You can. Don’t make excuses. I know you have hang-ups. I know you have massive boundaries. But enough is enough. If you want something from me, ask properly. Own it. Stop showing up at my door when you’re half in the bag.”
He waited for a beat, and I knew I was supposed to open my mouth and say something, but my tongue was thick and tied in a knot.
For the first time since I’d known him, Tallus seemed frustrated. He held out the jacket. “Here. Never mind. Fuck thecase. You didn’t want anything to do with it anyhow. I’ll figure it out on my own.”
I took the jacket.
Tallus turned and walked toward his Jetta.
He was leaving. This was it. The end of the one good thing I’d been clinging to. In a minute, he’d be gone, and I’d never get him back.
I wanted to growl and snag his arm, drag him up the three flights of stairs to my room and enact ten months’ worth of fantasies and frustration, but it was impossible. Every recrimination I’d spoken against myself played on a loop inside my head.
I wasn’t worthy. I would never be worthy.
But before he turned the corner, before my brain could catch up and talk me out of it, I shouted, “Please come upstairs with me.”
Tallus slowed to a stop and spun. We locked gazes across the dimly lit garage, and not for the first time, I was humbled by Tallus’s beauty and confidence. Not for the first time, I wondered why he’d ever looked twice in my direction.
“Say it again, Diem.”
The way my full name rolled off his lips made me queasy.
My voice came out husky the second time. “Please come upstairs with me.”
His smile, the one I worshipped, the one that shone like the noonday sun and weakened my knees, appeared. “I’d love to.”
Tallus Domingo would be the death of me. Every inch he gave put me one inch closer to full annihilation. Someday, he would realize who he was tangoing with and understand why I’d been so reluctant, then he'd be out the door like a hell.
And I would be alone.
But that day wasn’t today. I had done the unthinkable and invited Tallus upstairs for reasons that had nothing to do with a convoluted case.