Page 142 of Power of the Mind

“Doubt it.”

He twisted the lid and seemed surprised to find it wasn’t sealed. Dumping a few capsules into his palm, he held them up to catch the light. “What color are they?”

“Green.”

“Is that the right color for echinacea?”

“Yes. Put them back. We’ll take them with us.”

Together, we retied the bags and tossed them into the back of the Jeep. Neither of us spoke as I drove to the office. In the covered parking garage, I put the Jeep in park but left the engine running as I opened the door. “Stay here.”

“What are you doing?”

“Getting clean clothes. I fucking stink and don’t have a shower. We’re going to your place.”

In under thirty minutes, Tallus keyed us into his seventh-floor apartment. I let him precede me so he could get the light. I hadn’t been over in a while. The last time I’d graced his doorstep, I’d been half drunk and looking for a midnight fuck.

My skin burned with the memory, and I cut my gaze left and right, scanning for signs that other men had been there, reminding myself I wasn’t special. Tallus dropped the black bags onto the coffee table and flicked on a light on a side table.

As he closed the curtains over the balcony, I recalled how often I’d sat in the Jeep far below, watching Tallus go about his nightly routine like a creep.

“Down the hall. Fresh towels are in the linen closet.”

With a clipped nod, I lowered my head and aimed for the bathroom. For a heartbeat, I wondered if Tallus would join me. He would be so bold. Sometimes, I thought he enjoyedmaking me uncomfortable and pushing my limits. The thought of company was both thrilling and terrifying. If he offered, I wouldn’t know how to handle it. Close quarters. Nowhere to escape. Naked and vulnerable. The roadmap of my past on full display.

Expectations.So many expectations. The cons outweighed the pros.

Yet…

Before closing the door, I peered back down the hall, anticipating him any second.

But he didn’t come. I was torn. Disappointed and relieved. How could I want both? It made no sense. I’d been warning him off for a week. It was counterproductive to encourage or wish for sexual advances when I knew I couldn’t be the man he wanted.

And yet…

No.

I closed the door and set the lock, leaning my head against its wooden surface.Good-for-nothing, useless waste of space.

Ejecting my father’s voice, I tried Dr. Peterson’s new exercise of listing positive qualities when the negative ones grew invasive.

Except, I couldn’t think of any. My father was right. He was always right. I was a good-for-nothing waste of oxygen. Better off dead.

Exhaling, I closed my eyes and waited for my heart to find its rhythm. Waited for the head noise to quieten. It took a long time. When I was steadier, when the ground was solid beneath my feet, I blew out the rest of the nervous tension. Fuck my old man. I could do this.

I turned the lock, opened the door, and came face-to-face with Tallus on the other side.

“I…” Words escaped me. My throat locked, and I stood there mute and stunned.

“Can I join you?” His voice was soft, airy, and calming.

All I could do was nod.

33

Tallus

I’d seen Diem naked in bits and pieces several times but only once on full display—the night I’d taken him to bed. I got the sense it caused him discomfort. After he admitted me into the bathroom—an act that astonished me since I’d expected him to say no—he silently removed his clothing. I could tell he was self-conscious about his scars, so I made a point of focusing on his positive qualities and not drawing attention to his past suffering. And Diem had plenty of positive qualities.

---