Page 156 of Power of the Mind

“I’m not a good bet, Tallus. I’m serious.”

“A date?”

“Yes. I fucking miss you. Not having you around is… It’s fucking me up even more. I’m going ballistic. I’ll do my best. I swear. It might not ever be good enough, and I’ll probably disappoint you, but—”

I closed our distance, took his face between my palms, and kissed him. He whimpered and staggered on his feet, but he kissed me back. Then Diem, the man who’d bared his heart and claimed incompetence when it came to relationships, gently rested a hand on the back of my head and drew me closer.

When we came apart, I was in his space. “You are so good enough, and I’d love to go out with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Then I swear to fucking god, he smiled.

37

Diem

On Friday night at seven, I parked outside Tallus’s building, popped another piece of Trident into my mouth, and pulled down the vanity mirror to see my reflection. Clean-shaven jaw. A fresh buzz. Clear eyes—however strained at the edges. I touched the more prominent scar on my face and cursed its existence. It stood out more when I went without scruff, but I was determined to look put together for this date, considering it was the first one I’d gone on in over a decade.

It had been less than twenty-four hours since I’d smoked my last cigarette, so the internal itch was ferocious, but I was hell-bent on quitting. This time for real.

After leaving Tallus’s place the previous night, I’d tossed the remainder of my cigarette pack into the garbage. With no alcohol in my system and no nicotine to alleviate my nerves, I was skating on the edge of a panic attack, focusing on everything that could go wrong instead of everything that might go right.

The evening had too many surreal qualities. While driving across the city, I almost convinced myself I was dreaming and would wake up alone in bed, single, and best friends with a red-tailed boa.

I checked my pocket for the form I’d printed earlier that day and gave myself an extra minute to allowthatdecision to absorb too. So many changes. I wondered what Dr. Peterson would say at our next appointment. I wondered what Nana might think if she was well enough to understand. I liked to imagine she’d be proud of me. That Boone would be proud too.

I got out of the Jeep and checked my clothes. Nice jeans. Polished army boots. A new shirt—nothing fancy, but it had buttons and a collar, and although too restrictive for my tastes, the guy at the store had assured me it was suitable for a first date.

Fuck me. A first date.

Unsteady and lightheaded, I aimed for the front lobby and buzzed Tallus’s apartment, reminding myself to use words to communicate. Sentences, if I could manage.

“I’m on my way down,” Tallus said instead of saying hello.

When he came out of the elevator, my breath caught. Tallus was gorgeous on a regular day, but spiffed up for a date was enough to make me swallow my tongue. If only his glasses weren’t broken.

He met me in the lobby, smiling with sultry mischief as he swayed. “See something you like, Guns?”

I nodded, still scanning the outfit. Black trousers. A shimmery, silky dress shirt splashed with turquoise, purple, and navy blue. Glittering buttons. A fringed scarf. Hair gelled in his signature just-been-fucked style, and was that a touch of eyeliner?

“Jesus.”

His hazel eyes sparkled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You look… amazing.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself. New shirt?”

I nodded.

Tallus ran a hand over my clean-shaven jaw. “Sorry I don’t have my glasses. I know how much you like them. Next week.”

I nodded mournfully. “When you get them back, give me the bill.”

“You’re not paying for them again. Not this time. I talked to my mother, and she’ll loan me—”

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