Page 7 of All Our Ghosts

Cole is still waiting, drumming along to some song he has turned up a little on the radio. I smile softly, opening the door. “I’m set up over there,” I say grabbing my things. “Thanks again for the ride.”

He smiles again at me. “No problem. Give me a little bit of time tomorrow to check out the car and I’ll swing by and pick you up, say around noon?”

I nod. “Sounds good.”

Cole taps the steering wheel and sighs. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

I watch the wolf flex over the ropes of muscles in his arms and nod.

“See you tomorrow.”

I shut the truck door and step back, heading towards the room. I glance back, the truck still idling in the parking lot. As I get to the door though and step inside, I see the tail lights light up the building as he pulls out.

The door shuts behind me and I lock the deadbolt, followed by the top lock; I can’t be too careful. I do a round throughout the room, checking the window is actually locked and close the curtains. After checking the closet and bathroom, I sit down on the edge of the bed.

The image of the wolf still dances around my mind. I’m not sure why I feel so drawn to it, but it feels familiar and safe. My mind races with my interaction with Cole.

I won’t hurt you.

What he said replays in my mind and it’s the first time in years that I trusted those words coming out of a man’s mouth.

KADENCE

My eyes fly open. The room is still cloaked in darkness, and the only light is the soft glow around the curtains from the vacancy sign. I roll over to my side, glancing at the clock. 6:32 am. I sigh, not remembering the last time I’ve been able to sleep in. I hate that this is my new normal; that when I wake up like this, my body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and my chest feels tight in a bittersweet indication of the anxiety dreams I can't ever remember in the morning. A part of me is glad that I can't remember them. Who knows what horror show my subconscious has cooked up to force my body to jolt awake in flight or fight mode.

I throw the scratchy sheets off myself. The smell in the room wafts through the air as I do. The smell doesn’t bother me, it's not a wet musty smell, just a room that has been lived in by travelers and who knows what else. I’m not sure if that’s any better, though, as my feet touch the stiff carpet. I take a few breaths to steady the rapid beating of my heart. I still haven't gotten used to having an entire bed to myself. No matter howtoxic Jeremy was, it was one thing I loved; having someone next to me at night, filling that void that pillows can’t.

An empty bed means I’m alone. Which then leads me down a path of what ifs and could-have-been. It was a vicious cycle of reminding myself that what happened wasn’t my fault. Although, to an extent, I feel it is. I allowed myself to stay in that situation. I didn’t leave—couldn’t leave. The all-too-familiar feeling of guilt floods my chest as my fingers splay out over my stomach. Lingering there only to feel nothing.

With a shaky breath I reach over, tugging on the metal chain for the bedside lamp. The pale orange glow gives life to the dull room. My eyes scan the corners, ending on the deadbolt of the door. Still locked. Three thousand miles away and it still feels like he’s on my heels.

I stand, walking towards the window and take a pleat of curtain between my fingers, pulling it back slightly. The sun has begun to rise over the horizon. The black mountains that sit off in the distance are backlit by a violet sky that is quickly turning to a pale blue.

I scan the parking lot, not seeing any vehicles that look strange or out of order to me. I recognize the ones that were parked in their spots last night but other than that it feels quiet. The tiniest sense of relief washes over me. I drop the curtain back, fixing it to make sure no one can see inside, before grabbing my things and heading to the bathroom.

The shower pressure is less than helpful as I try to wash the shampoo from my long, brunette hair. It takes me a lot longer than it normally would and the thought crosses my mind to chop it off. Shorter hair would make it harder for him to find me, but I like my hair just the way it is and I refuse to let him dictate my life any longer.

Once I’ve given up on the trickle that pretends to be water pressure and feel somewhat clean, I climb out of the shower andget myself ready for the day. Cole said he’d be by in the morning but I want to explore and get out of the mindset of running from my past. Even though I am.

I tug on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, brush out the locks of my hair and leave it to air dry. Shrugging on a black jacket, I open the door. The fresh morning chill hits my skin and covers my body in goosebumps. The air isn’t humid but has a certain crispness to it that you can only get from being away from the city.

I double-check the lock on the door as I turn, glancing up and down the main road. It's early enough that the shops are still closed, and life hasn’t begun to bustle about the streets. This is where I feel most comfortable. No one to question who I am or where I come from. Just the freedom to discover the town without the third degree.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve stopped at all the places I’ve wanted to go since I was a kid. My favorite of all the places was the Grand Canyon. I drove all night to find the best lookout over the vast trenches. Making it just as the sun was coming up, I parked and climbed out of the car. I felt my soul reset watching the terracotta and rust-colored rock dance with lavender and pink skies. Even as the watercolor skies melted together and I felt truly free for the first time, I screamed. Screamed into the vast canyons and crevices, letting the clay and rock soak up every ounce of pain it was willing to take. For a little while, I was happier.

I begin walking back in the direction we drove last night towards Cole’s garage. Thankfully Cole didn't take too many turns and it’ll be easy for me to find my way back. The less enclosed spaces that I have to be in with the male species, the better right now. His kindness wasn’t lost on me but, in my experience, men aren’t just kind for no reason. There are ultimatums and agendas that don’t end up in my favor.

I whip my head to look behind me, hearing the first car of the morning. My breath catches in my throat as I watch the Pine River County Sheriff’s squad car pull up to the curb next to me.Great,I think. The last thing I need is some small-town cop digging around into my past or, worse, making a curious call to Miami.

The window slowly rolls down as I continue to walk, the car creeping alongside me.

“Excuse me, Ma’am?” His voice breaks through the morning air and for some reason it causes a chill to run up my spine. I stop, closing my eyes for a moment before turning around to face him. My eyes meet his beady ones and I try to hide the unnerving feeling his toothy smile gives me. “I uh-haven’t seen you around here before. You lost?”

“No, Sir. Just passing through,” I say shortly.

The officer nods, his eyes trailing over my body from head to toe like a predator examining his prey. He sucks on his teeth before glancing down the main road. I hear him place the car into park before the door clicks open. I take a step further back on the sidewalk as he climbs out of the vehicle, giving myself space from him and crossing my arms over my chest to barricade my own personal bubble from his. He’s tall, his frame lanky and dull blue eyes that make my skin crawl as he stands before me.

“What’s your name, Sweetie?”

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