Page 36 of All Our Ghosts

I look down at the fake combat boots on my feet. They aren’t the most comfortable things I own, but they’re better than the Converse I normally wear. I run my tongue over my bottom lip, glancing back up at him through thick lashes.

“I’ll be fine, but it’s really dark, Holden.”

I peer down the trail that leads into a wall of pitch black. It isn’t the walk that scares me or even the darkness. It’s being alone with him. He throws me off like a magnet to a compass needle and whenever he’s around my mind still swirls with trying to hate him and wanting to tear into the cloth of his t-shirt if only to get a glimpse at the adonis body hiding underneath.

But here I am, proving I trust him, at least for tonight.

Holden follows my line of sight, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth as he nods. “It is, I promise it’s not far and once we get beyond the trees, the moonlight will guide us.”

His voice clouds around me. He speaks so softly I can pick out the gravel in each word and I realize that it isn’t just me giving into that trust tonight.

“Okay.”

He takes my hand without another word but beams down at me as I give in, leading me toward the wall of darkness and away from the safety of my only escape route. His motorcycle.

I focus my eyes down on the ground, watching for rogue roots and hidden holes in the mud and dirt. The last thing I need is to fall and break an ankle, though knowing my luck it’s extremely possible.

“I’ve got you,” he says, as if reading my mind. “I won’t let you fall.”

I peer up at him and see he’s staring down at me with no regard for his own safety as we walk. Blush creeps up my neck again as I glance down the trail, avoiding his eyes.

“Have you been here a lot?”

Holden chuckles, finally looking ahead of us. “You could say that.”

“Do you always speak in vague responses?” I laugh, not trying to be cruel but almost every question I’ve asked him tonight has prompted vague and cryptic responses.

“Do you?” He retorts, glancing down at me. “East Coast is pretty vague.”

I meet his gaze, not realizing he’d heard my response to Wolfe at the table. “You were listening?”

His eyes cast down to our feet, shaking his head. “You make me curious, Kade.” Holden looks up ahead of us. “I don’t knowwho made you want to hide yourself away from the world, but whoever it was deserves an asskicking.”

I watch as he rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. He seems nervous, treading the eggshell trail he’s following me on as we walk. However, he also hasn’t been completely truthful with me either. Both of us circle each other like sharks and our prey is honesty.

“What if…” I start, gnawing on my bottom lip as I stop walking, feeling him drop my hand as he turns towards me. “What if we start over?” I smile. “Clean slate?”

Holden’s brows knit together, his eyes meeting mine. This is my olive branch, a small hope that maybe we could go from antagonizing each other like school kids to being able to have normal conversations without trepidation.

He slowly begins to shake his head. “Not a chance darlin’.” A smile begins to play on his lips as mine falls. “I don’t want to forget how we met. You’ve got a fire burning in you that only comes out when you’re mad, really mad, and you’re the first person to call me on my shit other than Cole in a long time.”

Confusion washes over my features as his hands come to rest on my arms.

“I don’t want to wipe away the hate you felt for me last weekend and this week. I want you to use that against me when I step over the lines I’m bound to cross because something tells me…” He pauses, dipping his head so that he is at eye level with me. “You’re not used to standing up for yourself, and not because you didn’t want to but because you couldn’t.”

I stare at him, the blue in his eyes turns soft as if he tries to piece together the jigsaw puzzle I call life without the picture on my box. He isn’t wrong and that's what scares me. He’s catching on quickly to the pain I still feel inside and the years of abuse Jeremy put me through, not to mention the shit my mother pulled after my father passed. Holden wants to know me, but heisn’t interested in vague answers and I’m not ready to give him the real ones.

Truth be told, I don’t want to start over either. The embers he sparked inside of me this week were the first time I truly felt safe enough to stand up for myself. To take charge and not get pushed around by men.

This seems to be the difference between Jeremy and the men of the Hounds. Jeremy hides his fear with anger, lashing out at me whenever he gets the chance. But these men speak their truths and know when enough is enough.

I let out the breath I don't realize I’m holding in. “I’ve never heard of someone not wanting a clean slate.” A quiet laugh escapes my lips and I realize he’s taken a step towards me, pulling me just a little closer.

“Darlin’, I gave up on clean slates a long time ago.”

“That’s a little ominous.” I laugh as my hands find his chest, my fingers gripping the edges of his cut. “You hiding some big, dark secret I don’t know about?”Like I am?

Holden grins, leaning down to brush his nose along my cheekbone before nudging my own, sending chills up my spine and causing my eyes to slide close. “Guess you’ll have to follow me to find out.”

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