Page 113 of All Our Ghosts

"I want to," I all but moan as my fingers wrap around him. Already hard and wanting, I trail my thumb over his head, spreading the soft bead of precum over his tip.

Before he can protest further I drop to my knees, tugging his jeans and briefs down just far enough that he's now exposed to me. His length bobs heavily and I realize it's been a long time since I've done anything like this to a man but I trust Holden just as much as he trusts me.

With slow purposeful strokes, I glance up at him through my lashes. Those blue eyes are glued to me and darkening while he watches my hand move against him. His jaw ticks as I quickenmy pace, twisting my wrist gently to work him in a corkscrew motion.

"I'm in control," I rasp firmly. "Hands on the wall."

A growl escapes him, but still he does what he's told. Holden leans back against the rocks, his ass resting against them forces his hips to jut against my grip and he rests his hands on either side of him.

"Thank you," I whisper.

His nod is strained, but his eyes are full of the love I now know he feels for me. The same love that runs through me in waves every time he is near.

My tongue darts from between my lips as I lick his head, forcing a hiss from his lips. I can't help the smile that forms on my face as I begin to take him in my mouth. bobbing my head softly and using my hands for whatever I'm not able to take.

Not even the rocks and dirt digging into my knees can distract me from the man falling apart in front of me and at my mercy. Something about the idea of a man his size crumbling under my touch makes me feel powerful. Makes me feel like everything that was taken from me, stolen from me, was just within reach again.

"Christ, Kade," he groans as his head drops back and his eyes slide closed with a shudder as my tongue swirls around his tip again.

With the adrenaline and newfound power surging through me, I hollow out my cheeks, taking him as far as I can until I feel him at the back of my throat. Satisfaction rolls through me with a soft gag and I back off giving myself room to breathe as his hips roll gently between my lips.

"You have no idea what you're doing to me," he growls, bringing his head forward and finding my eyes again. "How beautiful you look right now."

Tears prick at the edges of my eyes. They’re not from his intrusion in my mouth but his words. Everything that I have wanted to hear for years is falling from his lips with ease and spearing my heart. Doing nothing but carving his name over the scars that had hardened there.

I move faster, taking him however I want and Holden lets me. He's giving me everything in this moment while I give him the release he desperately needs. I lift my free hand, wrapping it around his thigh to hold myself up. My core is soaked and aching for my own release but right now this is for him. It's about him and I know that he will make good on giving me what I need later.

"Baby," he groans. "If you don't stop now, I'm going to come down that pretty throat of yours." Every word is strained and hoarse but still his eyes never leave mine and I refuse to back down. "Sunflower," he growls and my eyes flicker to his hands where the whites of his knuckles shine against the sunset as he grips the stone below him.

With a hoarse moan, I feel him swell between my lips and his hips stutter until he is doing just that. Spilling down my throat as I hold him there, moaning with him until he exhales and his shoulders slump.

Releasing him with a soft pop, I run my tongue over my bottom lip relishing the salty and bitter taste of him. In an instant, his hands are on me, pulling me up off of my knees and to my feet. His lips crash into mine while one hand slides to the back of my neck, holding me firmly to him and the other wraps around my waist. I nip at his bottom lip, forcing a chuckle to form deep in his chest.

"I love you," I whisper softly against his mouth. His breath fans across my cheeks with an intoxicating heat that does nothing to tamper my own needs. My body feels so sensitive the slightest of his touches sends sparks down my spine.

His smile is beautiful as the sun sets behind me. "I love you too, Sunflower."

With another soft peck to my lips, he releases me and tucks himself back within his jeans. He climbs over the wall and turns back to me, holding out his hand to help me over. "C'mon, I think it's time we focus on ourselves for a bit."

I know that there's still that lingering sadness under the smile he reserves only for me. The weight of his club, of his relationship with his brothers, all of it hangs around us like a dense cloud but, for now, I'll take every moment of happiness I can with him before we go back to the mess waiting for us.

HOLDEN

Iride for longer than I probably should have. The sun has already dipped behind the horizon by the time I stop again. This time I find a small beach park we can camp at. Once I find a spot, I stick some cash into the little box at the park gate for our time here and we pick out a spot to spend the night.

"I didn't realize you were an avid camper," Kadence teases as she climbs off the bike.

Her voice is hoarse and a part of me feels bad, but it's a small,smallpart of me. Still she looks beautiful in the moonlight, her hair is messy from the wind and there's a small flush on her cheeks from the chill in the air.

"I'm not, well.." I pause. "I haven't been for a while." I flash her a grin as I unpack the tent from the back of the bike.

She glances at me, grabbing our bedrolls and setting them on the small wooden picnic table. "You used to be?"

I nod and start to put the tent together. "In the Army, we camped a lot when we were on mission but as a kid Cole--" I pause again and the memory of the two of us crammed into a small, one person tent in Cole's backyard sends a pang throughmy chest. Clearing my throat I choke out the words as I kneel to fix the tent poles into their holes. "We would camp in his backyard, just the two of us piled into this small ass tent."

The crunch of her boots on the gravel behind me has my shoulders tense for a moment until I feel her fingers run along the top of my head down to the nape of my neck and into my shirt.

"You guys will get through this," she says so softly that I almost miss it. "It may not be this week or the next, but it'll happen."

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