Page 110 of All Our Ghosts

My legs give out and I collapse to the ground next to her, tears stinging my eyes as I move to touch her. Barely a centimeter away but she already feels cold to me. I choke back a sob, my head dropping as I cradle her face. "What happened, baby?" I cry.

My forehead presses to hers as my shoulders shake and I lose it. "No," I whine," don't do this."

"Cole," Watson's voice is right behind me, "this is a crime scene, I can't--"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" I yell, picking my head up from her to glare back at the man I've hated for years.

"We don't know yet," he answers solemnly, "but you have to let us do our job."

I shake my head, falling back into the grass, and carefully cradle her against my body. "Who did this to you?" I whisper into her hair. No longer did it smell like peaches and motor oil like it had before. Now, she smelt like a mixture of grass, dirt, and iron.

Tears drop down onto her cheeks as I hold her, running my thumb along her swollen and broken cheekbone. It's then Inotice the handprints around her throat and look at Watson. "you find out who did this."

"Cole," Watson starts but I silence him with a shake of my head.

"You find out who did this, or I will," I warn. "I'll fucking kill them if I do, Watson. I promise you that."

"Sir," a soft voice filters from the other side of me, "we need to take her now."

I look up to find a younger female EMT looking down at me with glossy eyes. I shake my head but when I glance back down to the woman I've loved for years, my eyes slide closed. I'm going to have to tell Holden. I'll have to tell everyone.

"I can't," I sob into her hair again, "I can't do this without you."

Minutes pass while I hold her still body. Sobbing into her cold skin.

"Sir," the woman tries again.

"Just give me a fucking minute!" I boom, holding her tighter to me until I couldn't any longer.

I stare down at her, taking in everything that this fucker had done. Not understanding any of it or why they would choose her. Shit like this doesn't happen in Pine River. So why did it have to be her? My sunshine snubbed out. For what?

I cup her face again, pressing my lips to hers for the last time and whisper the one thing I know I never said enough.

"I love you."

Everything became a blur as I lay her back down and watch the EMT's zip her into a body bag and carry her away from me, taking my heart along with her. Slowly I stand, running a hand over my face and turning to Watson.

"Find them," I say through clenched teeth as I pass him, "or I fucking will."

My heart is still with her. Six feet under the earth and I know that's exactly where it will stay. I've failed everyone I know and the guilt I had from that day had sunk so far into my bones that I deserve everything that was being thrown at me and most of all, I know I deserve to lose Holden too.

KADENCE

He's been quiet the whole ride. I still have no idea where he’s taking me and, at this point I don't think he even knows where he's going. Whatever happened during that meeting has fucked with the man I said goodbye to that morning. I've tried everything to swallow down the anxiety that has built itself a home in my stomach and nothing has worked.

Holden pulls off onto an outlook from the highway and kicks his stand down so I can climb off. As soon as I do, I pull the helmet off and turn to him. His eyes are cast out across the water that crashes below against the cliffside we're parked on and his brows are furrowed. Even with the passing cars, the silence radiating from him is deafening.

"Baby," I say softly moving into his side. "What happened?"

"I-" he starts, but his voice cracks and that's when my heart dips. Holden sucks in a shaky breath and shakes his head letting it fall forward with the weight of whatever's on his mind.

"Hey," I whisper, taking his cheeks in my hands and moving to stand in front of him.

I maneuver my fingers under his chin to undo the chin strap of his helmet before pulling it off of his head. I make quick work of hanging it on the handlebar only to move my hands back to his features. He looks like he is on the verge of breaking and it's killing me that I can't do anything to help it. His eyes focus on the water again, unable to look at me.

"Holden," I whisper again, hoping to get his attention.

"He lied." Is all he says before his arms wrap around me. He tugs me as close as he can to him, still on his bike. My arms instinctively snake around his neck as he buries his face into the crook of mine.

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