Page 76 of All Our Ghosts

“You wanted to protect the club.” I offer and he nods.

“I know everything,” he says after a moment of silence, letting the weight of his words sink in. “I know what was put into the reports, the ones that are public recordandthe ones that aren’t.”

“Holden,” I say softly, gnawing on my bottom lip as the anxiety of having to explain everything suddenly seems to be too much, but he stops me before I can finish.

“I’m not asking you to tell me your side…I won’t ask that of you, but I am here when you’re ready to tell me.” His tongue flicks over his bottom lip as he curls his hand around the back of my head, cradling it and tangling his fingers into my hair. “I at least owe you that.”

I stare at him for a moment, wanting to tell him everything but scared at the same time. Scared to relive it, scared that he’ll leave again, and scared that the nightmares I’ve been narrowly avoiding will come back. My mind flickers to the stuffed animal in my luggage. The one that I refuse to give up but haunts me every time my gaze lands on it. I want to talk about him, and Iwant to remind myself of the happy moments I’ve had learning the little things about him. It’s funny how much you can miss someone you’ve never met.

Even though the fear lingers in the back of my mind, I know when I curl into Holden’s side, ignoring the pain, that the only person I’ll share those things with is him.

HOLDEN

“You know I can walk, right?” Kadence chuckles softly as I open the truck door, helping her out. My eyes scan her, something I’d started doing since the moment she woke up a week ago. Just searching for a wince or any form of discomfort I can help with and ignoring the pang in my chest every time I find any of it on her face.

My hand wraps around her forearm, the other curls around her waist. “I know you can, but…”

“But you’d rather be my own personal walking cane?” She laughs again. No winces this time as my eyes search her face. The last few days she’s started to feel better. She’s been able to get up and move around. Not a lot, but enough that she isn’t stuck in bed.

I grin at her, pressing my lips to her temple. “I like to think of it more as your personal leaning post,” I murmur against her skin.

She smiles, that beaming smile that I missed so much was back. At least during the day. Nights are still the hardest. She always wakes up in a jolt, her body trembling and teeth chattering as if she’s still in that frigid water. It pains me to seeher like this. The only thing I can do is pull her into me and hold her tight, keeping her warm with my own body heat and shushing the soft sobs that fall from her lips.

“I don’t know why we needed to come all the way down here,” she sighs. “I’m fine, Holden.”

I flash her a pointed look as we walk through the hospital’s automatic doors. “I just want to be sure, okay?”

Kadence looks up at me, her brows furrowed. “Are you still worried about what Shawn said?”

“Aren’t you?” I ask, helping her towards the receptionist's desk. I rest my hands on her shoulders and move to stand in front of her. “Look, this is just a precaution. Something to put us both at ease. If nothing is wrong, then we get to spend some actual alone time together. But on the off chance that there is something else wrong…” I pause and my stomach drops with the implications of whatcouldbe. “Shawn’s good, Sunflower, but he’s limited.”

I know worry litters my voice. It’s something I can’t help at this point. Cole and Dex have told me that she needs space and that I need to stop hovering over her, but Kadence doesn’t seem to mind it, and I’m not about to let her out of my sight. I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared to leave her alone again.

She reaches up, her hand cupping my cheek as her fingers dig into the beard I still haven’t shaved down yet. I feel myself lean into her touch and I feel her warmth as my eyes search hers.

“My sweet man,” she whispers and gives in. “Okay.” Kadence nods.

The corners of my mouth turn upwards as I turn my face and wrap my hand gently around her wrist, pressing my lips to her palm. My fingers rest along her pulse, feeling the light flutter of her heartbeat beneath them. “Good girl.”

Her tongue pokes out from between her lips, wetting them as a beautiful blush creeps over her cheeks. The words have donesomething to her, that’s clear and something in the look in her eye makes my cock twitch.

Forcing myself to ignore the warm sensation in my belly, I pull her hand from my cheek and link our fingers. I check in with the receptionist, who gives us directions to the doctor’s office. We make our way through the maze of hallways and two elevator rides after getting lost the first time.

Over the past few days of us sleeping in the same bed, I feel myself going mad. She’ll kiss me, egg me on for more but even I know that it’s not the right time. It kills me every time I put a stop to our make-out sessions. Cursing under my breath every time she looks disappointed. I want her as much as she seems to want me, if not more but I can’t risk hurting her. Iwon’trisk hurting her. Though there is no denying the sexual tension building between the two of us is a ticking time bomb.

Her appointment feels like a blur after the wordseverything looks fine, fall out of the doctor’s mouth. Even Kadence feels the long exhale I let out in relief when her eyes meet mine and that beautiful smile returns to her face as if to sayI told you so.

We make our way back down to the tow truck. I help her inside and jog around to the other side, climbing in. As soon as my door shuts I sit for a moment before starting the truck.Everything looks fine.The words keep repeating in my head. My hands wrap around the steering wheel as my eyes close. Images of her in that purple dress, lying face down in the sand, flood me.

“Holden?” She whispers, the seat creaking underneath her as I feel her move closer to me.

I didn’t think it would hit me this hard. Hearing she was fine when I was so close to losing her. Shawn had told me before, the same from Cole and Dex. Even Wyatt and Scottie tried to comfort me whilst all I got was dirty looks from Blake. I still don’t blame her for being mad that I left. That, because of my actions, Kadence ended up in the water. Hell, I’ll gladly sit inthat blame because it seems like Blake is the only one willing to punish me.

Kade’s fingers dig into my forearm just enough to force my eyes open again to find her looking at me. Her brows furrow and worry is written all over her face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” She asks softly.

I smile gently, shaking my head and the horrible images away. “Nothing,” I lean into her, pressing my lips to hers. “Nothing at all.”

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